Whenever I reflected on how the month in El Salvador was going, or found myself updating people back home, I always felt… guilt. I thought it had something to do with how much we were enjoying this location (the beach, easy access to wifi to reach family, being able to cook our own meals, etc), but I’ve been reassured often that this is simply how the World Race works – some months you’re working long ministry hours, some months are much more light. Even knowing that, I couldn’t shake the guilt. Tonight I finally realized why.
It has been a month absolutely full of missed opportunities.
We got here on a Friday, and that next Saturday morning when I was watching the sunrise on the beach for the first time, I saw a man picking up trash. I thought about how awesome it might be to continue coming each morning and join him in his work. Try to bridge the language barrier and learn more about him. Invite him to church. I never did. When our ministry got started that next Monday, I realized that I wouldn’t have enough time to watch sunrises in the mornings except on Fridays and Sundays. I never did talk to that man. Instead I used those two mornings a week as alone time, and sometimes, I didn’t even go, I slept in.
I have a favorite place for wifi (mostly because it’s off the beach, quiet, and they sell an El Salvadoran craft beer variety that makes it feels a little like home) called Mopelia. They play a lot of French music too and that makes me smile. Never once have I talked to the owner to find out his story. Or the guy who works there every night. I even saw him one afternoon with his wife and son, having fun with the stroller on the downhill to the beach. I could have easily chatted with them, invited them to church at the very least. No, I was too focused on getting wifi and catching up with family, friends, and Facebook.
I met a young boy, Marcos, at church within the first few days of being here, and have consistently seen him on beach all month selling necklaces. I usually wave him down, give him a hug, decline his offer for a necklace, and go on my way. I’ve never asked him if he could stop and play, never brought a ball, or a skateboard, or cards. One of my teammates mentioned today that she doesn’t think he’s been to church since that first weekend. Why haven’t I pursued him? Told him I’ve missed seeing him at church?
As I look back on the month, there are many more examples of times I chose myself and my own agenda for the day over God’s agenda for the day. To be honest, most of the time, I wasn’t even listening for his agenda. Our squad mentor, Paul, says that all people have same heart cry, no matter who they are or where they’re from. They all want to know, “Do you see me? Do you hear me? Am I important?” All month God has been placing people in front of me whose hearts are crying out to my own, and all month, I’ve been answering, “No” as I remained focused on my own agenda.
Hear me – I don’t believe God was asking me to not enjoy his month – to avoid swimming in the ocean, or not splurge on Nutella for Christmas brunch, or not FaceTime my family and friends. Not at all. Instead I think he was simply inviting me to invite others into that enjoyment. My month could have been so much more full! I apologize to all of my supporters and prayer warriors back home – by not fully honoring the people here at El Tunco Beach, I’ve not honored your generosity. I’m so sorry! Would you to pray that my heart remains burdened to truly use every moment wisely for the rest of the Race, and life afterwards?
What about you? Are you listening for God’s agenda for the day? Are you secretly hoping he interrupts your plans for His own? Do you believe that His plans are way more fun and rewarding than yours are? Who is he regularly placing in your life that you can strike up a conversation with? Invite to lunch? Whose heart cry to be known is calling out to your heart? I’ll be praying for you, too!
If you don’t let God use you, he will use someone else instead. He will even use the rocks. Don’t let him pass you by!
“Jesus answered, “I tell you, if these were silent, the very stones would cry out.””
??Luke? ?19:40? ?ESV??
