You may be wondering if there’s some obscure Christian song that happens to share a title with the Pochahontas one.
Nope. It’s been a weird month, so we’re going Disney.
We just passed the halfway point in our Race (symbolically, at least – we don’t have a definite return date yet). So you’d think, by now, that I’d be a pro at being a Racer. An expert servant, expert traveler, expert teammate. I would have my life together, my mission organized, my course straight.
Or maybe you read my last blog and you know I’m not that perfect impossibility.
What I am is a child of God who, no matter how many times I fail, can never be separated from my Father’s love. Who is held firm in his steady, comforting arms. Who can trust Him with my whole heart.
This month, my goal was to listen for His words every day. I have failed miserably. And sure, I can blame the coughing/sneezing/headache/stomachache/sore throat bonanza I have experienced this month for that. But in my heart, I know that I had plenty of chances to reach out to my God and I simply didn’t. Even knowing how much it didn’t help last month, I reached for my computer before I reached for my Bible.
Today, feeling frustrated and stressed about constant changes in our ministry plan (something I’m not ready to blog nicely about yet…hopefully I’ll reach that point soon), I pulled out my journal and pens. I let myself be driven to the point where I felt so down about everything that my only comfort was the Lord.
After I wrote my feelings/prayers out, I listened to the crickets outside, the hum of the air conditioning, the clack of Kelsey’s keyboard. Though I couldn’t hear it, I imagined the gentle sound of the river that passes outside our window.
(Kelsey and I have gotten to live at a resort for the past two days while we teach English to the employees. It is magical and serene and beautifully unreal – we are getting so spoiled, it’s going to be hard to go back to sleeping on an inflatable mattress!)
The river – which just so happens to be the River Kwai that there’s a little WWII movie about – flows along so calmly and steadily. Steady as a beating drum.
As my friend and alumni Squad Leader Christina once told us in Zambia, worship doesn’t have to mean you play/sing/listen to a Christian song. It means that your heart and mind are fully turned to God. No matter what you’re worshiping through, you worship Him.
Tonight, I’m worshiping through Pochahontas.
I look once more, I focus once more on God. On the real reason I’m here: the work He has called me to do for others, for this ministry. I don’t know what’s coming just around the riverbend, but He does. I feel it, beyond the trees and beaches and oceans. I feel the call to help people, to love kids, to learn more (and hey, I wouldn’t mind a handsome husband either!). So I will keep looking. My dreams may be for things all in the future, but my dreaming is not at an end. I haven’t chosen the steadiest course.
And I know that God, the Dream Giver, is waiting for me around the riverbend just as much as He’s helping me steer that canoe.
(Which is good, because I’m terrible at canoeing.)
