Wow! I have so much to say. So much that I have experienced. So much that God has revealed to me. So much that I have wrestled with. Month 5. Here I am in Bangkok bringing in the new year thinking…"this is my life"? ha ha!! Seriously. I always want to blog but my thoughts go quickly and I don't get them down and the blog is gone. I have teammates who can do a few a week, but it's not as easy for me. I am not a reflecter. I don't process well, I just bulldoze on in task oriented mode. There are so many NEW things I am seeing everyday some good some bad and I don't always know what to do with that.
Last month in Tondo I was shaken. I came out wondering NOW WHAT? It was such a rewarding month of buiding relationships with people! I met one young woman, Gilyn, when I went on house visits. I went back to visit a few times, one time she brought me to her mom's house and we hung out with her and her aunts and I felt like I was back with my family! GIrl Power! She wrote me a very humbling note, here are a few lines.."Even though we've only met twice and don't really know each other that much..you came into my life when I was feeling down. I know that it's my destiny to meet a precous person like you You brought me the words of God which gave me another reason to face each morning with a big smile on my face..I don't know why do I have this feeling it feels like I already have you in my life before..Even though were speaking different languages and sometimes don't understand each other that much I know that our hearts speak for our mouths..I know that God always showers me with his blessing and one of those wonderful blessings is you. He gave me a chance to meet you. He touched you and lead your way to my home sweet home. This letter is priceless coz enclosed here is my heart.."
I was breathless reading this and feeling the same as her. I am so thankful I obeyed God and came on this race. He has revealed in so many ways that it really isn't ALL ABOUT ME at all. And I am humbled. Wrecked and ruined, a girl of unclean lips saying here I am Lord. Send me. He did and I hope you'll join me in praying for Gilyn!! I love building NEW relationships! I love being able to bring the GOOD NEWS and hope and a future to people! These are GOD ORDAINED moments!
Christmas with my new family, Noah, Jay, Jacob, Emily, Chris, Moriah, and Carly was so awesome! We made fake snow and had gifts for one another. We were busy feeding, hanging with street kids on the b-ball court caroling and delivering food, visiting the prison bringing a fresh word from the Lord and giving out New Testaments. Productive. I love it! But God is showing me that it's not always about the do..it's also about the BE! Who I am in HIM! Unworthy is a great way to describe my life right now and yet in Christ I am worthy! I am HIS daughter! I am covered by the grace of JESUS! I am just being myself in Christ. FORGIVEN! HOLY! I am on a journey and it's tough. I am spining on the potters wheel and it's not comfy cozy. It causes me to question, doubt, and get angry. Then I was reminded by a great friend Timmy Hanks! There is JOY in being on the potters wheel. Sure Timmy- tons of it ha ha!! but really there is joy knowing that I am not done but God is working on me and the end result is going to be so exciting and so rewarding!
What will happen in 7 months when I return? How different am I already and I'm not even half way through? I don't feel much different. Same obnoxious, sassy, lots of weakness to work on, Tess! I see grace in a whole NEW lifght. I see dependance on God as a necessity to even make it through one day. I see that GOD is in the poverty in Tondo. God is sovereign..he has a plan..we are it! Oh man! We are called to be His ambassadors. To LOVE the poor. To be His hands and feet!
Lord I don't know what else to write I am empty and full,. I am sad and joyful. I am getting it and confused. I am unshakable and getting my world rocked. I am YOURS. The seeds you have me planting, please ready the soil and allow your Holy Spirit to do the work needed. AMEN
So I am pausing a few days here in Bangkok to be trained and equipped as a Squad Leader for L squad. Say what?! Who am I to lead these people on a Kingdom journey?! But I am obedient to the one who has called me. This year I want to see things in NEW way. A NEW way to hear from God, a NEW way to see GOd! A NEW way to lead. A NEW way to LOVE. I am headed to Chang Mai to start this heart wrenching process all over again. To pour out ALL I have into new relationsihps. I am looking forward to who God is going to bring into my life this month. Ya never know! I know we will be working with girls in a proactive program to keep them away from sex trafficing and harm. This world is not my home. I am only passing though.
