Simple question but so much behind it! I’ve always struggled as most of us do with wanting control! I want to control my life spiritually and physically and all that includes. I love the saying, “let go, let God! I just don’t apply it all the time! So these last few months I have been trying yet again to control things. One thing I have been trying to figure out is the Holy Spirit’s role in my life. There seems to be something holding me back, a fear of His power maybe? A fear of what He may be calling me to do? A fear that if I completely surrender my hopes, plans, and dreams I may not get what I think I want! A few weeks ago now I was really struggling with those thoughts and God came in and sarcastically said, “Mind if I lead?” Ha ha! I laughed and realized that I need to relax and allow Him to lead! I released all the pressures to measure up to others standard of spirituality, of my standards of happiness, and the lie that if I completely surrender, God will not give me the desires of my heart! The memory of me and my cousin Bill dancing at his wedding came to mind, because he asked me the same thing, “is it ok if I lead?” What a great picture of dancing with Jesus, at peace in His arms, knowing he is leading me and guiding me! A week later I was asked to step up into the team leader role on my team and I am continued called to step up. I hesitantly agreed as I loved my position of no responsibility, but God is calling me up once again and has been teaching me so much about dependence on Him. He’s given me such a great love for my team and those I have been serving. I do not want control, at times I think I do, but I want a total surrender! I want more and more of the Holy Spirit in my life. I want to untie my boat and get out into uncharted waters! You think safe is where it’s at? It’s not. He’s not safe. He’s not predictable. He’s not capable of fitting in your box. I’ve been working on my trust issues as they go hand in hand with surrendering! Every time I think a situation is freak out worthy He’s right there to show me it’s not! I’ve been learning to be in the moment. To realize that whatever tomorrow holds or the future holds, He’s already there and will be when I get there! He’s got so much more than I can imagine planned, I just need to let Him lead! Pray for me as team changes are happening and more and more leaders are being called out and being called up as we enter the next part of this race.
