Genesis 32:24-31
And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob's hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, "Let me go, for the day has broken." But Jacob said, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." And he said to him, "What is your name?" And he said, "Jacob." Then he said, "Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed." Then Jacob asked him, "Please tell me your name." But he said, "Why is it that you ask my name?" And there he blessed him. So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel, saying, "For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life has been delivered." The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip.
Similarly to Jacob, I feel like in recent weeks I've been wrestling with God. Ok, honestly, it has felt like a WWF steel cage match. Based on the text, Jacob was really striving for intimacy with God, and sometimes getting to that point will leave us with bruises (or our hips out of joint)…
ROUND 1 – "You don't trust me enough."
For too many years, I've worked too hard to make people happy. I've been too much of a fixer and not enough of a prayer warrior. I've taken matters into my own hands to mend things, to manage relationships, and to make myself appear invincible.
"When you discipline a man
with rebukes for sin,
you consume like a moth what is dear to him;
surely all mankind is a mere breath!"
-Psalm 39:11
Ouch. I need to stop trusting in my own power to try to fix everything, and just listen for His direction. Alright, Jesus wins round 1. The bell sounds again…
ROUND 2 – "You are actually a liar."
I've learned a valuable lesson in honesty and truthfulness. Even if you lie to defend, stand up for, or protect someone you love, it doesn't make it right. And because of these lies (little ones or big ones), in the past I've had to "cover my tracks" so I wouldn't "look bad."
"Transgression speaks to the wicked
deep in his heart;
there is no fear of God
before his eyes.
For he flatters himself in his own eyes
that his iniquity cannot be found out and hated.
The words of his mouth are trouble and deceit;
he has ceased to act wisely and do good."
-Psalm 36:1-3
Wince. Dang, I never realized how much I try to defend or justify myself. First of all, I need to own up and admit my mistakes. Secondly, I need to remember that I am justified already:
"For you have maintained my just cause;
you have sat on the throne, giving righteous judgement."
-Psalm 9:4
And third, I have to remind myself that grace is my qualification.
ROUND 3 – "You have a problem with authority."
"Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work." -Titus 3:1
"Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you."
-Hebrews 13:17
Cringe. Wow, I honestly HATE this one, and I even had a hard time believing it about myself and admitting it. But it's true. There is something inside of me that wants to rebel. This self-gratifying, self-centered, arrogant disease that wants to take the opportunity, if it's given, to be a rebel and get a stupid thrill out of breaking the rules. It's childish really, almost like telling a kid not to touch a hot stove. But because the kid just HAS to see for himself, he touches it and gets burned. This one hurts, because I have always been taught, and taught well for that matter, to respect authority no matter where I am.
I'm down for the count now. Strangely enough though, I want more, just like Jacob. You see, even when he was wounded, Jacob maintained his resolve to prevail (v. 25). In my life, God is choke-slamming me with things He just wants me to get rid of, and I need to maintain my resolve to fight through His discipline (Hebrews 12:7-13). In doing so, He can keep molding me into the likeness of Christ, and (eventually) perfect my faith (Hebrews 12:2).
Finally, one more thing to learn from Jacob is that he knows this striving for intimacy and Godliness will lead to his blessing (v. 26). Even though Jacob's hip is dislocated, he is determined to be blessed. So even though this process can hurt, I have to stay determined. I have to keep pressing and pushing through. I have to wait for the blessing.
"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 3:12-14
Who's ready for ROUND 4? Time to get back in the cage…
