The best part of my life is that I am here for God’s calling. I may not know what that looks like, but I do know that it is taking me on an adventure of a lifetime. These past two months have been a whirlwind. And it’s only been two and a half months, on the field, of the World Race. God has been solidifying things that He has spoken over me more and more each day. Thailand was a month of doubt and shame, but at the end I held my ground and rebuked the lies that I am dirty for the homosexual past, that I am unworthy of being loved and known. I know I AM worthy of being loved and known. The past does not define me. Because who God says I am is beautiful, strong, and courageous. He says that I am a royal priesthood preparing me for battle. He says that I am a Leader of Leaders. That I am strong in conviction, stubborn in the desire and pride I have for following Him, that I am kind, sensitive, and feel deeper than most people feel because it allows me to love others deeply and emanate Him.
God knows my name. He calls it and yearns for me to say yes and start walking in the confidence, integrity, and influence that He has given. So I may give it back to Him. Knowing Him more and more while making Him known to the world.
Proverbs 22:11 (MSG)
God loves the pure-hearted and well-spoken;
good leaders also delight in their friendships.
God’s calling isn’t something that I have always wanted—in fact—it still scares me and at times I still find myself fighting it. I feel like I mess up and make mistakes too much to be made a leader; let alone a leader of leaders. I know that I left on this journey, and I may not know how far it’s going to take me, though I know God is going to take me farther than I can ever know or desire.
I’m halfway across the world sitting in a windowless room in Sungai Petani, Malaysia. I’m pretty far from home in distance, but God’s steadfast love endures FOREVER! He loved me and is steadfast in my past even when I could not see. He loves me now and His mercies are made new every morning. He knows the plan (future) that He has for me is one to prosper me and not to harm me, it’s a plan to give me hope for the future. To prepare my heart for the unknown, knowing that He is going to move mountains through me.
Each day is either a day of ‘yes’ or a day of ‘no’. I can decide on that (you can too). God works for His glory either way. Saying ‘no’ is easy to do. Saying ‘yes’ now THAT takes courage.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NLT)
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord.
“They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
In those days when you pray, I will listen.
If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.”
