Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
2 Corinthians 5:17
As you may know two weeks ago was World Race Training Camp which is where I finally got to meet the whole squad that I will be travelling the world with. Side by side we were all challenged physically, mentally, and spiritually requiring ourselves to lean on each other for support, prayer, and encouragement every step of the way. We have formed bonds with one another that the forces of darkness will not be able to overcome for it is rooted solely in Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit. I have a deep love and appreciation for every single one of my 56 new brothers and sisters.
During training camp the Lord spoke to me in ways that he never has before and has never been more clear in what he has told me. God has told me that He is going to break me and that I am going to need to die to my old self. You may wonder how I was led to believe that God told me this. After hearing it you may also think it to be crazy or some sort of elaborate coincidence but I believe without a doubt that my perfect Father has called me to die to my old self. Here is what He told me and how he said it:
(Disclaimer: I am not sharing every single aspect of this story because there are some things that I would like to keep between me, God, and the people involved but you will still understand what I have been told)
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Before we had met at training camp, one of my squad mates Mary had a dream about me. She reluctantly shared the details after I had prodded her for them. She dreamt that while on the race I had died. They were all standing over my dead body but then prayed over me, told me to get up, and I did. Though this may to some seem like an average weird dream I do not believe it to be one. It was before she knew or met me and God loves to use dreams to communicate with His people.
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During worship one of our squad trainers Matt, who I had met once before this, came up to me and told me that he had a vision of me as I was worshiping. He said that he saw me wearing Roman soldier armor and I was ready for battle. Then he said that I changed and became King David. He spoke into this saying that David was a great warrior but he had that backed by a heart for God and a heart for righteousness telling me that he sees this same heart forming in me.
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During prayer time in a later session one of our squad leaders Molly Fae came up to me and told me that God told her that He is going to grow me and change me in unbelievable ways… But that it was going to hurt. And it was going to hurt a lot. But after I get through it I will be ten times the man that I am right now. She then told me that she sees me fighting with a warrior mentality but one that is backed by a heart for righteousness. Then said that David had a heart just like this.
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God has revealed to one of my squad mates Dylan some of the things that He is going to do to/through/in me this upcoming year. When I asked what they were Dylan said that the Lord told him to not tell me… So that’s pretty fun.
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When telling my friend Hannah about all of these things after training camp she told me that she was praying for a bunch of our friends and when my name got up to the plate she prayed that I would struggle. She says she does not know why she prayed that but she did the day before I got back from training camp.
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My friend Emily who is in Texas for the summer found two journal entries where she mentioned me. Both of them were prayers for God to break me. They were both written while I was at training camp.
So where do I go from here? It would be easy to now live in fear of the pain that will be awaiting me over the next 11 months. It would be easy to check out and fly under the radar over the next year in attempts to avoid this upcoming strife. It would be incredibly easy to pray that God would not break me! But why would I do that?
Jesus has CLEARLY called His disciples to suffer for the sake of the gospel and personal growth (for more information read the the Gospels, Acts, Paul’s letters, etc). God uses pain; be it physical, emotional, or spiritual; not to show us how strong we actually are but rather to show us how hopeless we are without His constant grace and love. Sometimes God needs to break us not so that we can put ourselves back together but for Him to. He needs to shatter our old, decrepit lives so that He can redeem the pieces of our past brokenness by putting us back together how he wants us.
This doesn’t mean that the sins of our past will disappear. This doesn’t mean people will no longer see how messed up we really are. This doesn’t mean that we are no longer going to fall short of the glory of God and that is the point. God doesn’t want us to forget where we’ve come from because if we do then we forget what Christ died for. It is then that we forget how gracious and loving our Father really is. That is why He wants to build us out of our brokenness because anybody can make something beautiful out of perfection but it takes a real artist to make something beautiful out of something broken.
This is why I will press in when God tells me that I am going to break. That my old self will be put to death. For I know that it is from the broken pieces of my old self that He will put me back together. He is going to make me into someone that I couldn’t imagine.
So what is my prayer: That He would make it hurt.
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20
