One day you think you have it all figured out and then you realize, there is something far greater that God has for you…..
I was raised in a Christian home, I attended a Christian school from kindergarten through senior year of high school, and I have been attending the same Presbyterian church my entire life. You’re probably thinking, how monotonous and boring my life must be, right? Please, do not be fooled, my life has been the furthest thing from monotonous and boring! I have been on so many wild adventures throughout my 24 years of life! I won’t make you read through all of them but I’d like to just lay the grounds of who I am, where I came from, and what God’s been doing in my life.
First and foremost, you should know that I am extremely blessed with two of the most wonderful people in my life whom I like to call Mom an Dad. I couldn’t have asked for a better family or home to grow up in! Though at times I may have resented and rebelled against my parents for their “stupid rules”, now that I am old enough to understand those rules I am beyond grateful for everything they have ever done for me. I thank God for them everyday because I’m not so sure any other parents would have known what to do with me, the wild rebel child. God sure knew exactly what He was doing when He assigned Scott and Julie McBride the monumental role of being the “parents of Collins McBride”.
God has used my parents as a way to shine His light through them and into my life and for that I am forever grateful. My mom and dad have given me the greatest gift a person could ever be given, the gift of love, to love the way Jesus loves. Through my parents I have experienced what it’s like to have that unconditional love that Jesus offers us every second of every day for an eternity. What an amazing God we have that He would be so selfless in giving His life so that we may be saved and live eternally with Him! HE LOVES US THAT MUCH!
Ever since I was old enough to listen and understand things, I have known who Jesus was, at least I knew He was the Son of God who was the creator of all things. I never knew any different because this is how I was raised. Growing up this way you may think I had it all together and I really knew God and all about the bible. Before you get to thinking anymore nonsense let me just stop you right there because you couldn’t be more wrong!
Of course I have always known who God was. But for me, because I was surrounded by biblical teachings all of my life growing up, sadly I became immune to the things I was hearing. It wasn’t until I went off to college where I was on my own for the very first time that I came to realize, being a christian was more of a label to me than it was a way of life. Sure, I was a christian, I loved Jesus, blah blah blah. I partied my way through college, there is no denying that! Bad decision after bad decision… It wasn’t until I went off to college that I truly saw the real me, the darkness inside of me that is in desperate need of a Savior!
I tried to hold onto that small flame I still had burning for Jesus inside of me but that small flame just continued to become more and more dim as I became more and more consumed with myself and other idols of this world. ME, ME, ME, ME, ME! Not only is that a scary place to be but that is a very dark and dangerous place! I continued living in this dark and dangerous self-consumed lie all the way through college.
After I graduated from college and moved back home to where my family was, it was like I tried to continue with that life I had left behind, where God was my refuge and nothing could shake that. Boy was I wrong, it was like I was living a double life! My good little christian life I pretended to lead at home and my self-centered dark and dangerous life I lived away at college. When in reality that self-centered dark and dangerous girl was the real Collins McBride. I was only putting on a front for those at home so that I could go on leading my own secret life away at college with no one getting in my way. But sooner or later it would all catch up to me. It was not God’s purpose for me to live forever in that life of deceit and darkness. No, He had far greater plans for me, plans that I would have never seen possible after what I had become. But God works in the most mysterious ways that might not always make sense to us at the time. He works in His own time, no one can rush that!
Although I was living my life my way for so many years doing whatever I wanted, I was never truly happy. It was a constant battle, searching for my happiness in all the wrong things. I had become so angry inside and I felt that I was completely alone. God took me to the deepest and darkest place before I finally found Him again. That’s when I realized, I am not alone and I never was alone! I am the one who has been running from God! I am the one who has been ignoring God’s knock on my door each day, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME! I am the culprit of my own despair and the answer I have been so desperately searching for has been by my side all this time, never leaving me alone, but patiently waiting for me to come back to Him!
It wasn’t until July of this year, only a few months back, that God finally grabbed ahold of me while I was in my darkest place. God made us a promise, that He would NEVER give us anything beyond what we can bear. It was then, in my darkest place where I felt as if I couldn’t bear this mess I had created any longer, when He said to me, Okay Collins, are you done with this silly game? Are you done trying to live your life your way? It’s time for you to surrender your life to me, let me guide you through this life on an amazing journey that I have had planned for you since the beginning of time! How could anyone resist that?! Of course I had been ignoring this offer from Him for so long but this time was THE time. This was the time where I was truly broken and I had no where else to run to. This was the time that I chose God! This was the time that God had planned for me all along. It was in that very moment when the Holy Spirit truly came over me and overwhelmed me with His love!
What a blessing it is to serve such a loving, merciful, and forgiving God. After years and years of slamming doors in His face, He never left me, and He welcomes me back with open arms. He has thrown fuel on that tiny fading flame I had hiding away inside of me for so long.
“The purposes of Jesus Christ are not finished when one of His precious ones is forgiven. Not at all. Would a good father feel satisfied when his daughter is rescued from a car accident, but left in ICU? Doesn’t he want her to be healed as well?” (Captivating)
He has given me more desire to seek Him than I’ve ever had before. I’m done trying to live my life my way because that clearly wasn’t working for me and I was never meant to be the author of my story, that’s God’s job. He is the creator of all things and I’m done trying to take that away from Him! It is my prayer that God will make me and shape me into His servant that He has forever been calling me to be. Challenge me God!
There have been times where I have gone through many things, good and bad. Times where I have felt completely abandoned and alone and other times where I have felt love overwhelming! Times where I had to make scarifies and other times where I have been overwhelmed with blessings, because God is there! He takes all the times and He works in us, He works through us. Give it ALL to Him! THIS IS HIS TIME!
Know that you were meant for greatness and for good. It won’t be easy and certainly not quick. It might take your entire life to fulfill what it is you were meant to do but every step will get you closer. Every experience will prepare you for the next. Every failure will lead you to your success. You will be tested in ways that you cannot imagine but with trust in God, you will prevail.
“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. You see, at just the right time when we are powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we are still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:1-8
