Do you trust God that He knows the best plans for you or are you scared to simply let God into that part of your life? If God called you to sacrifice everything and follow Him, would you admit you heard His voice or turn in fear?
For so much of my life I have been living in fear, fear of being someone that would let down my family and society. I felt the need to mold myself into someone who would feel secure and safe physically and emotionally. God has always put a special place in my heart for culture and injustice issues, but so often that comes along with so much darkness in the world. I let my fear overwhelm my passions that God had placed on my heart, but not today.
After studying abroad in Spain last semester I felt as if I saw so many touristy places throughout Europe, but had I truly seen this world? Yes I learned about the cultures of Spain and spent three months living with a Spanish family, but had I lived in broken parts of this world that weren’t inhabited by tourists? The answer is no. Studying abroad had opened my heart to want to aid injustice, but it also increased fear to go into these cracks of darkness. However, even with all of this fear I felt as if God was calling me to serve the world and show His light the next time I went abroad. Even a shimmer of God’s light in darkness, can illuminate the immense beauty of His love.
That summer God revealed to me my passion for the World Race along with idols in my heart, but I could only choose one. Fear accumulated because I had to choose a path of holding onto broken areas of my life for comfort or trusting God with His plans for me and letting comfort go. As I was reading Crazy Love one day, during a break from finishing up my graduate school application, I came across Isaiah 58:6-11 and felt a rush of peace. Peace is such a beautiful thing, because it is something that is solely from God and a way for our hearts to be content with eternal plans by letting go of Earthly fears. I was able to let go and put this heavy weight I carried for so long on God’s shoulders.
So here we are. I’m ready to see the world from angle that lets me be completely desperate on God physically and trust Him in ways I’ve never had to before. I’m excited to camp for a year, put all my belongings in a backpack, and be in places with limited wifi and plumbing, if it means I get to live fearless in God. I am ready to let God break my heart for the darkness in the world so that He can use me for His glory. I’m fearful for you God, but fearless in you. Here am I, Lord.
Is not this the kind of fasting of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say, Here am I. (Isaiah 58:6-11)
