We all know that Easter is a Christian Holiday that celebrates Jesus rising from the dead. What we sometimes forget is that “His resurrection marks the triumph of good over evil, sin and death. It is the singular event which proves that those who trust in God and except Christ will be raised from the dead.” My story is a follow up on that last sentence. A testimony of how God can save us from all evils if we let him.
When I first started college you would probably think I was starting a great chapter of my life. One look at my Instagram, Twitter or Facebook and you would see the glamours college life I was setting for myself. Here is what those pictures, tweets and post didn’t tell you: I was drowning in the deep dark vast sea of life. I was sinking deeper into the ocean with no wish to find the surface again. Just as I was about to stop holding my breath and allow the sea to take me God reached down, picked me up and carried me to the shore. He wrapped me in his arms, reminded me of his unconditional love and gave me a second chance.
My second year of college, fall semester, I slipped into what I self diagnosed as depression. I had just transferred colleges, moved out of the comfort of my parents house and ended a relationship. I had no problems making new friends, making plans for the weekend or keeping a busy schedule. Instead of enjoying those new moments I only felt numb towards them, lifeless. Going out on the weekends seemed like a social event to others but for me it was a hidden excuse to secretly try and find my answers at the bottom of a bottle. When the alcohol would bring nothing but emotions of feeling broken and destroyed I turned to sex to feel wanted and loved. It was a vicious cycle that only led to me drowning more.
The weekends would end and Monday mornings would hit. Sometimes I went to class but I would only feel alone while being surrounded by people in a full lecture hall. I would talk to my roommates and friends with a forced smile, never allowing them to see what I was going through. I couldn’t even grasp the emptiness in my life, how was I supposed to tell anyone else? Sometimes I would skip class and lay in bed all day starring outside my window wondering how the people outside seemed to be enjoying life. The side effects to this left me sleepless for days on end and with suicidal thoughts.
There were several times I didn’t think that dying could be any worse than the way I was living. Silent thoughts to myself “Maybe if I lose control of my car it would seem like an accident” or “no one would think twice if I swam out to far into the ocean and drowned.” I couldn’t comprehend why partying; the sex and alcohol, why would nothing make me feel alive? There were so many points when I just stopped caring, I had no hope left.
As the semester came to an end I spent the winter break alone. One night the thoughts got worse. I came so close to ending it all but before any actions were made I was reminded of Christ. Thinking about my religion for even a second it all started to bring me back to reality. The next day I prayed to God to change my life. I told him to show me his love and to use me as he would like. He started changing my life instantly.
I no longer felt the emptiness I had before, it was now replaced with the holy spirit. The smile on my face was no longer forced, the suicidal thoughts were gone, I was able to sleep at night. Sex was made clear to me that it was not a way to feel wanted. Alcohol could not fix any of my problems. In the moment of life and death I was reminded of all the beauty this life holds. God gave me life again, he gave me a second chance.
If you google statistics on suicide and depression, I should not have been okay so fast. The moment I asked God back into my life he reminded me that he can take the broken parts of us and make us whole again. More than that, he can forgive us and show us a life we were never expecting. The day I prayed for God to use me he started planting the seed again to join the World Race. Now I can share my testimony to the broken, to the alcoholics, to the sex addicts, to the people with suicidal thoughts. Never in a million years did I think that I would openly share my past but my story is one that may be able to help a lot of people except Christ into their lives.
As Easter comes around this year I ask you not only to celebrate that Jesus rose from the dead but I encourage you to remember the times that God gave you life again. Remember all the things our Christ is capable of and praise him.
