So I know I just wrote a new post, but things seem to keep happening to kind of rock my world a little. Although I was committed to The World Race I was still very torn with letting go of my second family and place that I love to spend most of my nights at. My dojo. But since then something has taken place that has kind of closed that door quietly and let me know that it’s okay to let that go for now. I will still be training up until the day I leave but that chapter and season is closing in my life, at least for now. I’m sure it will get reopened again somewhere along the path. But God is truly showing me that this is the calling He has placed on my life for the next season.
For the first time I truly believe that I am learning and discovering who I really am as a person. I am finding my self to be less effected and controlled by the material things in life or the outside things that happen and have a huge effect on the way we can react.
I am learning how fragile we are and that maybe we aren’t so invincible after all. With God, yes, I believe we can be made invincible, but in a different way, in a very real way. He can make our spirits invincible. I truly feel my soul, character and heart being held, twisted, and molded by the Healer’s hand. I am changing, this much I know. When you truly hear the Maker’s whisper in your ear and yield to it, you will find yourself being asked to give up stuff, your will, pride, the things that have given you your identity.
This used to FREAK me out! Hearing this kind of talk by others scared me. Because I in NO way wanted to give up my control and will on life! But when you actually begin to let go, completly let go, meaning you don’t have to pull it back in, that’s when the wonders begin to be revealed to you.
Just recently, well about a month or more ago I was asked by a friend to spend a weekend night with her in the city that she lives in. She wanted us to spend the night drinking at a pub right within walking distance from her apartment. I would have said yes in a heart beat if she had asked me about two or three months earlier. I really liked hanging out with her and was honestly tempted to go do this. I shared this with a mentor in my life and she said “Colleen, do you want to take a step back? This will really destroy all that you’ve come through this far”. That hit me hard. I instantly knew that there was no way I wanted to go back to who I was, the crazy chasing I was doing trying to find things and a way to live without God and solely dependent on my own strength. I can now admit that I was miserable then. I don’t chase those things anymore, but truly only now are those things leaving my heart and are no longer desires that are controlling me. I have more now then I did before I let go.
Life is full of “scares”. Moments that cause your heart to stop, or perhaps cause it to beat rapidly, that leave you feeling nauseous. The past three weeks I’ve had some moments like such. But if you can find that still calm voice with-in that steals you, then you know that you have a power higher and more powerful then life itself.
I am going to close this post with something from my devotional,
“When something happens to upset you and you are discouraged, try to feel that life’s difficulties and troubles are not intended to arrest your progress in the spiritual life, but to test your strength and to increase your determination to keep going. Whatever it is that must be met, you are to either overcome it or use it. Nothing should daunt you for long, nor should any difficulty entirely overcome or conquer you. God’s strength will always be there, waiting for you to use it. Nothing can be too great to be overcome, or if not overcome, then used.”
