Very excited to finally be sending out the rest of my support/missions letters today. If any of you don’t get one by next week and would like one send me an email with your address to [email protected] and I’ll be sure to send you one.
I want to share with you guys something I read in my devotional yesterday morning. Now yesterday was Sunday and I was very blessed to have my pastor give me 5 min to speak in front of the church about The World Race.
(This was my table that a good friend set up for me, thanks Heather!)
Well I slept horribly, yes a little bit because of nerves but mostly because I was hacking through the night. At 4 am I got up unable to stand it any longer and took a VERY hot bath. Well the bath worked in clearing my head but I barely had a voice. Horrors !!! 
“I’m suppose to talk this morning”. I went downstairs to the living room with my computer, Bible, devotional book and went over again my small “speech” for the morning services.
The biggest thing that I wanted people to see yesterday and to do was cast a vision and just let people see my heart. I was not there to beg and put a guilt trip on anyone for money. Because I have faith that God will move in the hearts of the people that He has planned for supporting me.
1 Thessalonians 5:24 says “The One who calls you is faithful, and HE will do it!”. And I can’t tell you and express just how much I sincerely believe this, its not just like “well because it says so I’ll try to make myself believe it to be true”. No, I have faith in this truth.
And then I read in my devotional and was so encouraged….
“I have faith. That thing that makes the world seem right. That thing that makes sense at last. That awareness of the Divine Principle in the universe which holds it all together and gives it unity and purpose and goodness and meaning. Life is no longer ashes in my mouth or bitter to the taste. It is all one glorious whole, because God is holding it together. Faith-that leap into the unknown, the venture into what lies beyond or ken, that which brings untold rewards of peace and serenity.”
I was reminded I did not have this before my life was His, I felt that bitter taste of life like “ashes” in my mouth.
I have been told by many that I have hard determination. And this is true. Although I felt the bitterness of life I would have kept fighting till something broke me. But fighting the dark spirits of this world in your own strength is the worst unrestful place to be in as a soul. And when His strength is made your strength and you open your heart and life to Him and become honest with yourself and others, healing and victory starts to take place in this life.
And I’m serious about honesty, I’m not going to fake it and say I have all the answers in the world and I now lead the perfect life, because the fact is I don’t and I never will. I’m going to be real with you guys, you’re going to see me on my spiritual highs and my self-centered lows. BUT I will say this I have the willingness to try, the willingness to pour myself out, the willingness & desire to “keep yourself like an empty vessel for God to fill” (also from my morning’s devotional), “Pouring yourself out to others, so that God can keep filling you up with His spirit”.
And that’s all we can do because God searches the heart motives of the person. One person can be doing something wonderful but have so much arrogance and self-righteousness you barely can stand to be in their presence. Just like another person can be living in something that is hurtful, shameful and destructive to their life because they’ve lost hope, or been hurt and abused so many times in their life. This is the only way they know how to find some kind of feeling of love or a quick moment of joy. God sees this and His heart breaks for that broken hurting soul who is only trying to numb the pains of life with the only way they know how. His heart breaks for the stubborn prideful one too.
This is my heart’s reason for going on the Race because there IS hope now living within this once broken, scared and lost soul who wants the world to see it too!
Back to speaking yesterday morning, well by evening I could barely voice out three sentences and sounded like an old woman who had been smoking 2 or more packs of cigarettes a day her whole life, I believe God worked through that, too, and people saw my heart.
I was very blessed and touched by the response I received. The excitement and support people shared with me and how encouraged they were, I found very inspiring.
