I often like to look back in my prayer journal and read different things I prayed for or talked to God about and see what has happened since then. I was looking back to some prayers I wrote last spring, and I was in awe at all the ways the Lord has not only answered my prayers, but has done more than I could ever ask for or imagine. He is so good. All over my journal, before I even decided to go on the World Race, I prayed “Lord, I want to trust you completely. I want to trust in You differently.” Throughout my years walking with God, I have often feel like I am not trusting Him completely. I have always wanted to come to a point where I am trusting Him with everything; trusting Him with my life, my future, my family, my relationships, the way I view myself, my conversations, my thoughts, my concerns, my past…everything. There are so many times I wrote in my journal “Lord, take it all…I don’t want to hold onto it anymore.”
And He is.
The months leading up to China, God has shown me so much. He has put amazing people in my life, He has shown me His presence, He has shown me heartache in Asia, He has shown me joy in Asia, and He has given me a team of people who He has chosen to knit together into a community of young people desiring for more of Him and less of ourselves. I was nervous for China because it is a “closed country” and I knew I had to be really careful about what I say and what I do. I prepared myself for a few weeks of discomfort and sadness. And God blew me away. I would like to share with you something I wrote in my prayer journal during our journey from Hong Kong to our location in China. And this was just day 1…
January 3rd, 2008
Dear Lord,
I don’t want this day to be over! Lord, I love you so much. Why are you so good to us? This has been one of my favorite days so far. You have guided all of our steps, provided above and beyond everything we have needed, and met us here tonight as we prayed and sang songs to You. This morning when I woke up, I was so frustrated…I was in a bad mood, I slammed my head into the corner of the cabinet (ouch!), and I found out our team had to leave Hong Kong early and go to our location. When I sat down to spend time with You and read the Bible, I felt distant…like I wasn’t trusting You.
Then, we had our meeting with the coordinator for our trip to our location. He sat with us and told us about the city we were about to go to. As he told us about the city, the people, and the opportunities we will have to share the Gospel… something shifted in my heart. As he told us of the people’s thirst for Jesus and that we will see people fall in love with Jesus, the excitement in me felt like it was going to explode! As he was talking to us about different logistical things…all I could think about was college. I kept thinking about how much I loved sharing with my peers and professors in college about Jesus and how much He loves them and how much He has changed my life. I kept thinking about Campus Crusade for Christ, mission trips to New York City, inner city Chicago, living in the dorms, discussions in class…all these times You have fanned a flame in me for sharing about who You are and what You have done for Your children. Nothing fires me up like seeing You call someone to Yourself.
Lord, I love where I’ve been so far, the people I’ve met, the children I’ve fallen in love with. I’ve loved seeing You move in all these different places, in my team-mates hearts, in my heart. Lord, I love it all. But I want more. I want more of YOU. I want to see You in everything, hear Your voice more clearly, and share with people Your Gospel. I cannot imagine my life without you. Where would I be without You Lord?
As I packed frantically this morning, I got a strong sense of community. Team-mates offering to help, making our lunches, praying… We walked to the bus stop and I couldn’t find my bus card anywhere. As I started to worry, You reminded me that you are taking care of me. I opened a little wallet in my purse that I never use, and I found the card there. You did it Lord, I know you did. In the midst of my flailing excitement that You provided that for me, I was showing my team-mates the card and telling them how you put it in my little wallet, I accidentally flung the card into the street. I bent over with my huge back on to pick it up and I fell face-first into the street! As I was pulled up by a team-mate, I could not stop laughing…(it was a great day already!). Then, we got on the bus and missed our stop and got off at the end of the route…which happened to be right down the street from where we need to be. Then, we caught our next bus. We reached the end and were moved into a mini van (confused, but just went with it!). I started to pray and ask You to guide us…and it turns out all of my team mates were praying the same thing as we all sat in silence. Danny saw the building with the clock that our coordinator drew for us on our directions. As we were trying to explain to our driver (who speaks no English) we need to be dropped off, I heard a young Chinese woman next to Danny say “Maybe I can help.” This sweet voice struck a chord in me. This phrase stuck out to me because earlier when the coordinator was explaining directions, he told us at specific destinations to pray for an angel and they will direct us. He very confidently explained to us that the angel will say, “Maybe I can help you,” then they will guide us to the next step and disappear. When I heard this, I doubted. I wanted to believe that You can do this, but something in me fought it. Something in me didn’t want to trust You. But when I heard that sweet voice, I knew you sent us an angel.
Her name was Carol. She had a little cross on her jacket. She told the driver where to take us, then she offered to take us to the place we needed to go. She found us a hostel that did not exist on the map we were given, and communicated with the people at the front desk of the hostel for us. Lord, You provided us a nice hostel, with an amazingly affordable price, right next to the train station we are catching our train at tomorrow morning. As we turned to thank her, she just said with a sweet smile, “No, don’t thank me.”
Thank You Lord. All the glory and honor is Yours.
As we prayed tonight and sang songs together as a team…You put Psalm 91 on my heart. I read it aloud to my team. So many times I have read this Psalm and prayed this Psalm….but today, You brought it to life.
“If you make the Most High Your dwelling– even the Lord, who is my refuge–then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
‘Because he loves me,’ says the Lord, ‘I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer Him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.’
Lord, thank you so much for this day. You are pushing me to trust you differently, and I love it. You are so amazing…and I can’t wait for what you have in store for tomorrow.
Amen
