I sat down tonight with my head lamp and journal to write out my next blog, and I began to get a little overwhelmed. I have been learning so much, experiencing so many new things, and thinking deeply about a number of issues I have never thought about before. My past two and a half weeks in Thailand have been amazing. Not easy at times, tiring, lots of adjusting to surroundings, getting to know my team and host family, letting them get to know me, good food, lots of bugs, beautiful scenery, sweet people, adorable children, a lot of learning, missing familiar things, loving new things, missing the people I love, and most of all wishing the people I love could experience this with me. Every day at some point, I stop and wonder things like…”What’s my dad doing right now?”or “I wonder how Grammie and Grampa are doing…” or “I wonder if Stacy is at Caribou Coffee right now.” And there are moments when I wake up to a herd of cattle, see the sunset on the incredible mountains, when I get to pray for members of a Thai church, or when I see the smiles of the little eight-year-old Thai girls I have bonded with….and I think: “I wish my brothers could see this” or “I wish my dad could experience this” or I wish Kelsey could meet these little girls.” These thoughts that come and go (and sometimes stay for a while), remind me of a song I really like by Caedmon’s Call called Faith My Eyes. The part of the song that sticks out to me is this:
But if I must go…the things I trust will be better off without me…so keep them coming, these lines on the road…keep me responsible, be it a light or heavy load. Keep me guessing, with these blessings in disguise, and I’ll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes.
I am so thankful for the people in my life, for where God has brought me, and all He is teaching me. I am excited for the journey He has me on, and I hope I can share this journey with you as much as possible. Writing these blogs is a major way I can share my experiences, so my hope is that I can effectively explain certain things I am learning and experiencing as the year goes on. Here is something that has been on my heart a lot lately…
When I see all the smiles of the Thai people, knowing it’s their culture to smile and appear content…I can’t help but wonder what’s behind each smile. I woke up early the other morning and went to the front yard to get my clean clothes off the clothesline. I looked down the empty dirt road and saw a girl in the distance walking away. She was about my age, walking with her head down, dressed in tall boots and lace. I could only guess where she was coming from, but based on what I have learned about prostitution here, it’s safe to assume that she was walking home from a Friday night of selling her body to men. As her silhouette became smaller and smaller, I stood in the front yard and prayed for her as she walked farther and farther away. “Lord, what’s her name? What’s her story? What is she thinking about right now?”…were all thoughts running through my mind. “God, show her how much you love her; tell her she’s Your daughter and she is valued.” My heart breaks for that young girl; I think about her a lot. I haven’t seen here since, but I imagine if I passed her on the street and saw her face, she would give me a smile and a sweet glance. The image of that girl, and the smiles I see everyday cause me to pray… “Lord, I want to see You in the smiles of these people. I want to see Your joy.”
I don’t claim to have everything figured out, and I certainly have a lot to learn about life, but one thing I know for certain is Jesus brings life. Where there is emptiness, He can fill it. Where there is hurt, He can heal. Where there is darkness, He can bring light. Where there is sorrow, He can bring joy. The list goes on, but the answer stays the same: Jesus. Some might say, “That’s close-minded” or “too simple”…but I say “try Him.” The more of a need I see for Jesus in Thailand, the more of a need for Jesus I see in my life. Even when I see glimpses of the darkest and most corrupt parts of Thailand, God reminds me that His love and grace extend to those people and places just as much as He extends His love and grace to the darkest places of my heart…which again reminds me of my need to daily walk by His grace, with my eyes fixed on Him.
Thank You Lord, for this reality. May I never stop seeing my need for You.
Some pictures:
