Audrey was shouting my name loud and clear in an anxious tone, "Claire! Claire!". I came running out of our room in confusion and quickly followed Surrey. Around the wide branches of the Mango tree, I could see the cause of the chaos. I began running toward the tug-of-war match between Moam's grip on a machete and the women trying to pry it from her (no one was injured). Her grip was strong but with calm words, Laura and I were able to release Makara from Moam's grasp.
Moam was full of rage. I could see the hurt in her estranged eyes. With her head in my hands, Laura and I were able to calm her down and gently pick her up from the dirt she had been wallowing in. We began to slowly walk Moam into the house where the room was waiting. That 10×6 room. We ceaselessly spoke calmness into Moam, but we were met with the CHAIN. My grip had to adjust from a mere steady hand to a constricting hug. They put on the CHAIN. Tears began to fill me eyes. And I left.
I retreated to our living quarters, not remembering the walk there. I was in a zombie like state as the water works began. Laura and I were not merely upset; we were heartbroken and angry. The only problem is that there was no one to be directly angry with. Cambodia is 500 years behind western civilization and for them, the CHAIN is their only means to care for her. They are uneducated in mental illness and the effects of it are shown in barbaric tactics.
"It's not fair. It's just not fair", was all I could muster when my time came to explain how I was feeling. My eyes were swollen with guilt and red with confusion. But God blessed me. He blessed me with sisters at my sides who listened and spoke life into the guilt Laura and I were pouring into ourselves. He told us to keep pressing into the situation and we did. Just one hour later, with a heavy heart, I heard Him saying, "Love." And with that, I left our safe place and began to love.
Every child I saw was greeted with a hug and a kiss. Their sticky, snot crusted faces had never looked so beautiful! Gifts. I have an unparalleled love for children but on this day they were neatly packaged gifts from above. It wasn't easy to love in that moment but that's what He was calling me to do. That is what He continually calls us to do:
"Beloved, let us love one another for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God." 1 John 3:7
With that, the blessings continued. Each morning Moam was greeted with a smiling face. Each afternoon she was able to listen to God's word and each night she was prayed over. Whether or not she comprehended our words, we will never know. But she felt love for the first time in her life and that is winning in my book.
With honesty in my heart, I confess that my mind keeps battling with the vision of her head in my hands, calming her from the war she had endured. But when my eyes begin to swell once again , I seek refuge…
Be to me a rock of refuge, a strong fortress, to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress.
Rescue me, O my God, from the hand of the wicked, from the grasp of the unjust and cruel.
Psalm 71: 3-4
…still more to come.
