During my Texas adventure, I spent part of the weekend catching up with one of my sweet Ranchy friends, Vanessa. She’s also a former Racer herself and the one who introduced me to the World Race. We went on a walk and she asked how things with the Race were going and the dam broke. All of my frustrations, reservations, and selfish desires came spewing out in a wet soggy mess. I was angry, overwhelmed, and I had no joy in the thought of doing the Race. I loved the community I had where I was, I wanted something different out of life in the next year, and I had no idea how all of this was going to come together. All I could think of were the things I would be missing in the next year. I wouldn’t get to see friends getting married, graduations, and just life.
V looked at me and said, “It is important for us to count the cost of following Jesus. But you haven’t just counted the cost. You’ve made a big list of all of the things you think he’s taking away from you and you are bitter about it. Instead of looking at what you’re losing, see what he’s trying to give you. He is inviting you to be obedient and go. He isn’t going to ask you to follow Him and leave you with less than he’s already given.”
V handed me a picture that had spoken truth into her life over this last season. It was a picture of Nick and a horse named Delight from the Ranch. Delight had been sick and needed to be doctored, so Nick kept her back when the rest of the herd went out for the evening. Delight kept running the fence and nickering to her buddies. While Nick was trying to doctor her, she was squirming around, trying to get away. Nick patiently worked with Delight, asking her time and again to yield and submit so he could give her the medicine she needed to make her well. Nick wasn’t keeping Delight from her buddies to make her miserable, but for her benefit.
In that picture, I saw myself. I realized that I hadn’t surrendered at all to the Lord about the Race. You see, I thought that by finally agreeing to apply and go I was all in. But I still wanted my list of things and ideas. The Lord was softly and tenderly asking me to obey and, like Delight, I was fighting him every step of the way. He’s a loving Father and is working for my good, even in the midst of my mess. He isn’t telling me to go on the Race to take away and punish me. Instead, He’s calling me into deeper relationship with Him, to be his hands and feet, and to give life. And in the middle of that, I’m discovering the greater joy is found in my obedience, rather than in my plans and comfortability.
