So I was thinking the other day how I needed to write a blog…it’s been a long time. I have realized it’s a little harder to write when you are a squad leader. Maybe it’s the change of ministry or maybe it’s just the time thing. Anyway, point is, I felt inspired today. We got to Malawi about a week ago after 38 hours on a bus and went straight into debrief. Let’s just say I haven’t been that tired in a long time. Even though I was utterly exhausted I felt like a shift was occurring in our squad. There was a fire that was being lit under us that we desperately needed after the 6th month slump. So many of us, including myself, were feeling like we didn’t know where to go next and had become so complacent. I was able to talk to the squad about something that the Lord had shared with me last month while I was sick with a sinus infection. He started talking to me about commitment. This is a word that has always scared me. Up until now I have seen commitment as something so final and with that terrifying.
The biggest commitment I had made up until the race was getting a tattoo. I know that may sound trivial, but for me it was a huge deal. When I was spending time with my Father and just listening to him he led me to a different definition of commitment. Dictionary.com has a definition of commitment which says, “to send into battle”. The example said this, “The commander has committed his troops to the front lines.” I immediately started thinking about the battle field (using my knowledge from my history minor and a summer studying WWII). The front line was filled with men that were pretty much destined to die. The front line was for the least, the poor, the ones that the army could do without. These were the men that knew that death was almost certain. When you think about our Commander sending us out into battle, which so much of this life is, we realize that we are on the front lines. We were reading through Philippians 1 this morning and Paul says one of my favorite reminders in verse 21, “for me, to live is Christ, to die is gain”. Just as Paul, we are called to see our life as a time that we can proclaim the gospel and the name of Jesus, but knowing that in death we are gaining the ultimate, heaven and eternity with our Father.
I had lost sight of what we were living for. So much of our life has become so normal. We think it’s normal that we can’t drink the water from the tap, have to squat to use the bathroom, take cold showers, and wear the same clothes for multiple days. There is nothing about our lives right now that is normal. We are traveling to 11 countries in 11 months. That isn’t normal. We are living in close community challenging each other to look more like Jesus and calling it out when we don’t. That isn’t normal. We are so blessed. When I first signed up for the race I did it because I felt like I was running in circles getting so used to my daily routine that I couldn’t see myself escaping the hamster wheel. I didn’t want a comfortable life that was predictable. I wanted to be challenged and surprised by my Father every day. I wanted to see His power and majesty in a way that I had never seen it before. In a sense I feel like last week I was awakened. I was reminded of why I came on the race and I haven’t been this excited since month 1 to continue this journey and see what else the Lord has planned. I feel alive again and so ready to do His work and see His power and majesty, continuing to bring all glory and honor to Him.
My life is not normal. I have 4 more amazing mission trips ahead of me to Swaziland, Romania, Moldova, and Ireland. Each month will bring something new. Each month will reveal something different about my Father and who He is and what He is doing. What a humbling honor it is to get to pour out the love and wisdom that come from Him into people we meet. This is a promise that I have made to my Daddy and will continue to live out, each day I will wake up and be thankful for the day and be ready for what He has for me. I will no longer take this life for granted or this journey that I walk through every day. This race only lasts 4 more months, but my journey will not end till I join Him in heaven. I will walk by faith, not by sight, for to me, to live is Christ, to die is gain!
