No one ever wants to get the kind of phone call that I got a couple of days ago. I was told to call home. Tears began to sting my eyes and I had a feeling deep in my heart that I was about to get bad news. I called home (with a terrible phone connection) and heard my dad’s voice on the other end. I can always tell when something is wrong when I talk to my parents there is almost a hesitance in their voice from wanting to protect us so much. I asked him continuously what was wrong. Finally he told that my grandfather had passed away the night before. The tears began to come at this point. I knew as soon as I called home that this was the news that I would receive.
I have been processing through this for the past couple of days realizing how hard it is to be around the world while my family is all grieving and mourning the loss. All I wanted to do was go and give my mom and uncle and grandma a big hug and tell them everything as going to be ok. I just wanted them to know how much they were loved and how PawPaw was finally home where he belongs. I realized yesterday that all of these things that I wanted to do for them are things that the Lord is already doing, only He’s doing it in a way that I can’t.
Before I left for the race I was able to go to Mississippi to spend time with my grandparents and even speak for their bible study group. I gave my testimony for them and was able to share my heart about the race. My grandfather was able to hear every word that I spoke. I was able to share my heart to him in a way that I’d never done before. He was able to see me for who I am and I remember he told me how proud he was of me and how I was as good as the preacher. He always had a great sense of humor. When I was saying goodbye before my visit was over, I knew in my heart that I would probably not see him again on this earth so I looked into his beautiful blue/grey eyes and told him, “I love you very much”. I squeezed his hand and I left. The moments of that day have been playing through my head over and over again and it’s so funny because I just feel sweet joy because I know that he is with our Father and I have no regrets in our last visit together. I was able to love on him and feel his love too. This is the man who taught me how to fish off the back of a boat, made the best sweet tea I’ll ever have, instilled a love for John Wayne in me, gave me my sense of humor, told me I was just like my mom, and always had such gladness whenever he saw me. My grandfather was a strong man. I always saw him as this tall, hard-workin, cowboy boot wearin, country man. I will always have such wonderful memories of him and look forward to the day when I can pass on the lessons that I’ve learned from him to my own children.
The Lord has comforted me. He has brought joy in the time of mourning reminding me of His will and His plan and His timing. He has brought people that continue to love on me and just let me know they are there. He is always there when we walk through hard times. He is there in our laughter and in our tears. He is there to comfort us during a time of mourning and I am praising Him today because of His faithfulness for He has kept His word. I am held by my Father and I know that my family back home will be too. His love is never failing.
