I messed up. I messed up. I screwed up so badly. He repeated it over and over again.
I will never forget the depth of despair in his eyes. What in the world could he have possibly done? Murder somebody? My brain started to scroll through the long list of ways a person could mess up.
The hospital had dropped him off on the street, and while I packed things in my car in the case that God would bring me somebody that could use them, my flesh, that continuously forgets how good He is, screamed, NOOOOOOoooo, not another person.
Downtown Kalamazoo was littered with people that evening, and I was on my way to meet up with friends. It’s gotten to the point that I expect somebody when leaving the rock climbing gym and thought I was off the hook that evening until I turned the corner. It’s an internal battle until I can give a stranger something that shows God’s love to them, even knowing that I can’t “fix” anything. Until I sit and simply start to listen. Until I can calm my resisting flesh down and ask the Lord what He wants me to do or say in the situation.
I watched as this man–James–fought his own internal battle. He messed up. He told me he went three days and three nights without food. He ate things that he shouldn’t have…I didn’t push on that. He was staying with a cousin and was kicked out when he caved in and ate his food. He landed in the hospital because of breathing problems and didn’t know what to do afterward. We prayed a few times. Between prayers, he wavered from being discouraged and thankful and hopeful. Many people passed by, and a woman handed him leftovers.
Thank you so much! How did you know? Dinner is exactly what I needed.
Two minutes later.
I screwed up. What am I going to do? I have no place to go.
Sometimes you feel helpless. All I could do was give him a comforter, and he was sure that, along with his coat and hat, would keep him warm enough that increasingly cold evening. From there, I just HAD to trust that God would take care of this man. That He will bring other people into his life to show and speak hope into him. God was saying, he’s my son. As I got up to leave, James said two words that I won’t forget.
Love you.
It caught me off guard. From my experience, those words are normally reserved for people you know, at the very least. Knowing God’s love and commandment, I guess it shouldn’t be weird or awkward. Love one another. It just feels a bit strange when a stranger tells you out loud.
I’m sharing this because adventures and stories aren’t reserved for other countries–God’s right here in America too. This is our field. Wherever you are. Brokenness is everywhere, and He moves through those cracks. People want to hear about the Race, which I love to share, but hey, let me tell you about America too. A little bit closer to home, and maybe it’ll be easier to resonate with and take something from.
The first month or so back in the country was hard for me. In the last few weeks, the places where I have been and am still processing are starting to set in place. Wheels are rapidly turning. I’m getting the hang of being the new me in old places…or rather anywhere I go. It’s never a smooth ride, but I am learning more about what it looks like to be a daughter in His Kingdom–what it looks like to represent Jesus in places where religion is all too commonly slapped on as a label without substance.
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Fellowship Update: I’m driving down to Georgia tomorrow and will begin my time with the Fellowship next Friday! Prayers for a safe journey south are appreciated! As of the moment, I’m a little less than $1000 away from my $3000 fundraising deadline March 1. Believe it or not, I am completely at peace and know that He will provide in His timeline. Instead of rushing around in anxiety, I’ve been led to just praise and worship Him. It’s been refreshing, BUT I figured I should still let you all know where I’m at haha.
If you want to support me, there’s a link at the top of this blog. It says World Race but anything donated (one time or monthly) will be transferred to my new account. Thank you friends for walking alongside me! It’s been a blessing to connect and share my experiences on the Race and learn more about your lives!
