I’m actually not worried about the amount of money I have to raise. I know it’s a lot but I know that He will help me get there. The journey to get there is what makes me most anxious.
The idol that I most identify with is approval. I am a people pleaser, and I am very sensitive to how people view me. My default is to try to adapt to whatever situation I’m in, so I won’t disturb the peace. If I’m near somebody with a dominant personality, I tend to shy away and vice versa. If I’m excluded from big events that all my friends are invited to, I DO get hurt even if I say I don’t care.
Knowing this, I am trying to remind myself that God is where I should find approval–not from others. However, it doesn’t mean that I’m not continuously struggling–it IS my idol after all.
I can ask people to support me prayerfully and financially all day long. It’s the anticipation of the response that scares me. My heart skips a beat when I hear back from somebody. I’m terrified of just one message from someone saying,
No, I don’t support you. What you are doing is a total waste of time and money. God doesn’t even exist so back off and don’t bother me again.
Luckily, I haven’t gotten any of those, and my family, friends, and acquaintances have been so supportive– regardless of their faith, but I know that it could totally happen. And if it did, it would break me down.
So when I thank you for your kind words, regardless of whether or not you choose to financially contribute, it means more to me than you know.
Working a full-time job while fundraising means I have to contact a lot of people via email and FB messages since I don’t have time to get other info…so much so that I have been getting very sick of constantly being on my social networks. If you are reading and I haven’t contacted you yet, you can make my day by being one of the 50 people to donate $20 TONIGHT, so I can reach my first fundraising deadline by this Friday 😉
Thanks, friends. Keep being awesome.
