I have discovered that, when you love
extravagantly, you are loved extravagantly in return. I must admit, I
went into this journey quite fearful. And resistant. I expected to
love others in Jesus’ name, but I did not expect to experience such
love in return. I said at the beginning of the trip that I was
expecting the unexpected, and this has definitely been one example of
that. My heart has been softened and freed in areas I did not even
realize were closed off or hurt. I’ve been resisting change because I
honestly doubted that God would provide for my best interest (which
He knows better than me) on this trip…which can be attributed to my
pride. So God is breaking me of my pride, but in a gentle way
(thankfully). And God has been loving me in new ways, too. I’ve been
struggling to connect with my teammates, but a couple of days ago, I
believe God really provided a breakthrough when some misconceptions
were shattered in the midst of having a few discussions with some of
them. I have lived under pressures to perform for years, placed there
by people in my surrounding environment when I was younger,
particularly by peers during my grade school years, and then just
learned to cope with it as I got older. During college, God blessed
me with some friends that helped begin breaking this hold on me, and
I began experiencing love simply for who I was rather than what I
could do for people. However, breaking the hold isn’t enough for God
— He wants me to be completely free. So I am slowly (emphasize
SLOWLY) opening myself up to being loved more deeply…and while it
is scary because I am risking getting hurt again (we are all
human, after all), it
truly is beautiful and freeing. Furthermore, over the last couple of
days, there have been multiple instances where I usually am not in
the best of moods. I know that the Spirit of the Lord has been over
me, because I have been perfectly fine in the midst of these
situations, thriving even! For example, usually, if I am in any
combination (or worst case scenario, all three) tired, cold, or
hungry, I am rather unpleasant to be around. I was all three
yesterday (walking back from camp in the pouring rain will do that to
you), but I was fine (tip: finding even the smallest things to be
thankful for when in the midst of challenging circumstances really
does help bring “sunshine in the midst of the rain,� no pun
intended). And I’m not a night person usually, but despite being
tired last night, I was still going strong late in the evening, not
on my own strength, I know, and being able to serve (this was after
an AMAZING last evening with our friend, Masha, getting coffee and
tea, fondu, and bowling to have one last good time together and
celebrate her birthday early). And finally, during my quiet time
this morning, I told God that I believed I had been sharing the
Gospel through action, but that I wanted to be more vocal and
intentional about it, sharing in word as well…and after some
prayer, God gave me the words to be able to incorporate a small
Gospel presentation during the lesson on our last day at camp. Having
my mind and heart focused on and set in Him, He has provided for all
of my needs. I am praying that this overshadowing by the Spirit will
continue through the entire Race. In John 7:38, Christ said, He
who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, “out of his heart
will flow rivers of living water.
I believe that I am experiencing that right now, and it is wonderful!
Sorry if this post was a little random or scattered (and I know it
was long), but I just wanted to share a little bit about what God has
been doing in my heart recently: causing waters of life to bubble up
from within because His Spirit is within me, bringing refreshing life
to both myself and others!
And [pray] for me, that utterance
may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the
mystery of the Gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that
in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.
— Ephesians 6:19-20
