First of all, I want to apologize that I haven’t updated my blog for a while. There is no complicated reasons behind it, I just simply lost the passion of storytelling. Moreover, World Race wasn’t as exciting after 6 months as it once was. This is a post of me telling my honest feelings of my life on the mission field.
I don’t remember when did it all started, at one point I just didn’t enjoy being on the Race anymore. I got tired of the constant travelling, unpacking and packing, feeling sick, the heat, working with my teammates, not knowing tomorrow’s plan, feeling like I didn’t do enough “good works” or share enough gospel…….I wanted to go home. I didn’t want to blog. I was just counting down the days till the end of the Race. But deep down I knew that’s the battle and reality of a Christ’s follower and things wouldn’t suddenly get easier even if I quit. Then I started to think about my donors and those who supported me. I told myself to do more otherwise I would disappointed them. Some days it felt really dry, my team did listening prayers and have no clear direction. I felt guilty because not much was happening. I know quality over quantity, it is about listening to the voice of the Lord and obey His command. I know the amount of work doesn’t define a “good christian”. So I turned to people, it didn’t help neither. I said to myself “I know so little, I need to humble myself and ask people’s opinions.” Turned out I lost my humor and what makes me special. I kept pushing but I felt restless. I created an image of what a disciple should look like. Little did I know it was my version and it became an idol.
So, the plot twist of this story is I turned to Jesus. (Mic drop)
The truth is that you could be travelling the world, meeting the most interesting people and telling them about Jesus, it could become dull or not exciting eventually if you don’t go to God withdraw your daily bread. I wrote this blog because I know some of you may feel like that right now. Your days seem boring, full of exhaustion and no purpose. Or you can see it coming towards you like a wave, you have done everything right but feel no appreciation and nothing is right. I encourage you to spend time with God and let Him fill you up. This is no new idea but it is the only way. Jesus said “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10) Jesus didn’t say you will have it to the full when everything goes perfectly and exactly the way you want. He said you can have your life to fullest TODAY, no matter your circumstance because HE is LIFE and He lives in your life. But He doesn’t just come in your life and straighten all your mess, you have to invite Him in. You can find a million ways that the world offers you how to have a happy life, but they are all temporary. Only God can truly fill us with love and joy, the kind that no man can give, and all you have to do is seek Him. “Which of you, if you son asks for a bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!” (Matthew 7:9-11) He is our loving Father and He cares to provide what we need today, not just for surviving but have it to the full.
One of the pastors I met in Thailand said “I know World Racers, you guys focus a lot on self growth.” I felt guilty after hearing it. Because the world thinks missionary should be out there saving lives and changing the world. Then I turn to bible and see the story of the disciples, the first group of missionaries. They were able to cast out demons, heal the sicks, speak in tongue, have the boldness to preach and fearless of prosecution. How were they able to do all that? They first had to receive and be baptized with the Holy Spirit! The disciples performed miracles because of the power in them, and that power came from God. While I push myself to the max for His Kingdom, I recognize it was He who enabled me to give. God is preparing me, helping me grow, and equipping me with the power of Spirit through World Race. Most of us have the hearts to do good. Yet the questions that comes first are these: Do we put God first in all of our daily decision? Is He the center of my life? Do I really trust and rely on His provision? It is funny, I can’t really say that I am doing God’s work or I am following the Lord’s will if there is no God in my daily life. Letting God to be our main source of the day is part of surrendering, it doesn’t mean you can’t handle things on your own, it means you admit that He can do better. You know that cheesy country song “Jesus take the wheel”? I just thought of it, I let Him to drive not because I am a bad driver but for the fact that He knows my direction better than I do. After all, He created us.
Sorry if I get that song stuck in your head now.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
