Picture this.
It has been such an amazing journey ever since I started to prepare for the World Race and fundraising. Everyone I talked with was so supportive and was willing to help out, I have already reached more than half of my goal. People were consistently telling me how much they admire and appreciate for what I do, and I have received incredible amount of love and help everywhere I go. Don’t get me started about my relationship with God!! He has been so amazing and gave me everything I asked for. I am so ready to go on this 11 months mission trip!!! It is just so awesome how God makes sure everything goes exactly the way I wanted.
It sounds great, doesn’t it?
But the reality is quite the opposite.
It has not been easy since the beginning of the fundraising. Few people supported me financially but most people need time to consider. I feel like I did terribly with just 10% funded; I feel like it is impossible to reach such a huge amount ($17000); I feel guilty when I compare myself with the teammates that have already reached their goals. It was disappointing when people had different opinions about the mission trip or simply didn’t respond. I keep hearing people say “God will provide”, but my heart doesn’t want to believe it. I pray for God’s help to increase the money when it is my faith that needs to be increased. I began to think perhaps God didn’t call me to go. I understand I shouldn’t be anxious because “If God brings me to it, he will bring me through it.” Yet the first thing that comes into my mind every morning is what God didn’t give me instead what he already gave me. Maybe I am not ready to go; maybe this isn’t my mission.
It was hard to admit all of these negative feelings and thoughts; however, God uses this perfect time to discipline me.
- If I raise all the money by my hard work, I will rely on myself more than God.
- I am not alone. Many of my teammates are going through the same struggles. It is so amazing how we always encourage and pray for each other. (Special shout out to my awesome team!)
- I fast, pray, listen to sermons, and read his words much more often. “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.” Matthew 7:24
- “I think the reason we sometimes have the false sense that God is so far away is because that is where we have put him. We have kept him at a distance, and then when we are in need and call on him in prayer, we wonder where he is. He is exactly where we left him.” – Ravi Zacharias
- God WANTS to spend time with me. He needs me to be absolutely honest about my problems before he can fix it.
- Be humble and accept opposite opinions. Love them like how God loves me.
- God won’t tell me about his dream for my life if he knows I’ll want to debate it. God doesn’t tell me what he put me on Earth to do just so I can say, “Let me think about it.” Therefore, say YES to him
Remember the story of the prodigal son? Remember the older brother got jealous when his father killed the calf for the return of his younger son? The older brother said this. “Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!”
Sometimes I talk to God like the older brother. “You never gave me……” I only see what I lack at the moment and quickly forgot all that God has done for me.
Now look at the beginning of this parable. “……..So he(The father)divided his property between them.”
I found this verse comforting as you may know the older son always gets a bigger portion. The truth is not only our heavenly father “will provide”, he already did.
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Thanks for reading and I hope you can find some encouragement as well. Please continue to pray for me and support my journey. “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10
