If I was going to write about my time in Jaco, I knew had to
write about it whole-heartedly, which means I must include both the “good” and
the “bad”. In my previous blog I painted a picture of the “good”, through
describing the numerous ministry opportunities God provided my team and I with
in Jaco. Now I want to share with you how God redeemed our time there and how
He worked things for our good, even though we didn’t see it at the time.
From our lenient schedule in Jaco,
we went our individual ways daily, being pulled apart as a team. It was very
easy to fall into the tourist role, which the town encourages. My team and I
struggled with not wanting to be hypocritical Christians; therefore, we didn’t
have as many intentional conversations as we should have. We bought into the
“at peace” environment around us as well as the lies it feeds people. There
were times last month when I felt completely useless, lost and distant, crying
out to God for His direction. God knows exactly what His children
need though, and countless times He showed me the life of darkness I used to
live, and how He has called me to more. We as Christians are called to be the
same, but different. We are called to be in the World, but not of the World.
I am glad I waited to post this,
because while in Jaco I wasn’t sure what I was doing wrong, but I wasn’t sure
what I was doing right either. I realized it isn’t about me though, but God. It
didn’t matter what I was or wasn’t doing, because God was up to something. I
saw that He truly has changed the desires of my heart and what an awesome God
He is for saving me from my empty past. During my time in Jaco, God led me
through areas in which I needed to see in order to feel this, while He
protected me along the way.
Although still a sinner, I am no longer the person I once was . . a
person living an empty life of drinking, seeking acceptance in anyone but God
and buys into the lies of the World, as the majority of people in Jaco are.
However, I have seen how easy it is to be wrapped up in the World and to be
that person. I have been on both sides and I can honestly say that while living
a life for Christ may be more difficult, it is worth every minute of the fight.
During my time in Jaco I felt weighed down by the spiritually dark environment around
me, and I let it get the best of me. I wasn’t pressing into God as I should
have been, and as a result Satan was able to attack my thoughts and tempt me .
. and I let him. Numerous times I thought, “What am I doing? I am on The World
Race!” At times I even wondered what I was doing here, and thought I could be
experiencing more growth at home. It doesn’t matter where you are in life
though because we are all human, and have the choice whether we will live for
God or not. We have the choice to seek Him and His perfect plan for our lives,
or not.
After saying our goodbyes to the
people we built the deepest relationships during our time in Jaco, we boarded
the bus in route to San Jose, to have a mini-debrief with the rest of the
squad. As I sat on the bus, just God and I, a million thoughts ran through my
head. The following paragraph is an excerpt from my journal, which I wrote while on the bus.
“We just said bye to both Bleu and Luis at the bus stop. Bleu
cried as we talked to her through the open bus window. This morning was good
closure as Alex and I went to the beach to visit Bleu and Manfred one last
time. Although it will be sad to leave relationships behind again, I am ready
to leave Jaco. As we are driving away from Jaco, I have a weird feeling. I feel
like a weight was literally lifted from my spirit. I literally felt my heart
change on the bus. I felt the negative energy leave me . . I feel alive. I feel
like myself.”
For the first time in two weeks or
more I felt like myself . . I felt alive in Christ. I could finally be excited
about how I saw God move during our time in Jaco and be thankful for His
presence there, even though I didn’t acknowledge it at the time. Each time I
leave a country, I struggle with the fact that the people will continue on with
their lives as they did before we came. However, I can hold on to the hope that
God is working on their hearts and that we crossed paths for a reason. When
these 11 months are over, I don’t want to go back to the life I had before I
came. I want God to change my heart so radically that it looks more and more
like His every day. This is His plan for all of us, and we each have the choice each day of whether it will happen or not.
