What is a “moment” you ask? I consider it to be a specific point in time when I come to a realization of something, or feel something that is not typical for me. If you know me well at all then you know I don’t sleep, and I think way too much. While those two things may go hand-in-hand, they are not the best partners. Sitting here while my family and best friend, who is in town visiting, are all sleeping like normal people at 3:30 in the morning, my wheels are turning. Now to have a moment, this usually means something you already know finally clicks. Well, a few things just clicked in this thick, stubborn skull of mine: today was my last Saturday at home, tomorrow will be the last time I go to church in America for a year, tomorrow is when I will have a cookout to hangout with people I would usually love to see, but knowing there is an underlying factor this time makes it different. I won’t see my niece, who has just learned to say my name since I have been home, for a year. My mom is going to cry all the time, and I feel bad about that. If I can’t sleep now, how will I be able to sleep in a tent? How is all this stuff I have been buying going to fit in that bag? I still have like two to-do lists to conquer. What am I doing? Then I cried. Do you get the point? I was completely aware of all these things previously, so don’t ask me why they just clicked when I leave in 5 days . . because I don’t know. I consider myself to be an independent/strong person, or I strive to be at least. Most of that is intense stubbornness though. Amidst the preparation for the Race, I have felt nothing really, but have been more-so numb honestly. Yes, I miss my squad, I am excited to tell people about Jesus and to love on people, to be a part in expanding the Kingdom, I am excited to see the World, I am anxious etc. I am human so I obviously do feel things, but nothing too intense lately, until . . this past week. I have been through an emotional rollercoaster this week. My trip has been fully supported, PTL (Praise the Lord) which is such a huge blessing and affirmation to my calling. I have said goodbye to some of my best friends for the year, been letdown by meaningful people, been scared to death from some current racers’ updates, felt inadequacy like no other, had crazy blessings of provision with material needs, run into a many of roadblocks in getting things done, had great family/friend times, and now whatever this moment I just had. My anxious thoughts usually stem from my desire/need to have all the answers. After 23 years you would think, by now, I would have noticed I usually never have the answers . . but there’s that stubbornness again. I actually had a cool thought though. Amidst all these things I have felt and/or experienced this week, I have also encountered the body of believers in action like I never have before. Some of my closest friends have been here for me this week when I was a mess and needed answers, and the Lord totally used them to provide me with them. I also believe God vividly used me in these same ways this week for people I am close to. He used me to bring light to an unclear area in a friend’s life so they may deal with it one-on-one with Him. He also used my World Race experience to encourage and inform a friend who is just beginning their decision/preparation process in missions. I have also seen a squad come together to assist their fellow teammates in raising support, because we are a body. Just as a physical body, our S-Squad body will not be as [healthy], able, or happy if a part is missing. For the first time, knowing some of my squadmates were/are truly struggling with raising support when I have been so blessed felt like a punch in the gut.
However, I know the Lord provides. God provides us with what we need, when we need it . . not when we think we need it. There’s a huge difference there. This may include answers, financial and/or emotional support, material items and much more. Whatever it is, know He will show up in due time. He is with you always, regardless of the circumstance, and He will never disappoint. Rest easy in that truth even when you don’t want to believe it. Stay in community, because that is God’s will for us as Christians and He has blessed us with this privilege. Life isn’t easy, and being in a functioning body of believers won’t be any different, but it’s worth it. Be honest in your relationships with others, admit your faults/struggles, hold one another accountable, be supportive, rejoice with one another, center your relationships around Christ, and glorify God with all you do. Help each other through “moments” of your own.
