Coming into the Race I honestly felt like I had it all together. I thought I was not only physically healthy, but spirtually and mentally healthy as well.
I have been realizing that I am not as healthy as I thought. Lately, God has been refining me.
""….And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them. I will say, "'They are my people' and they will say, 'The Lord is my God.'"" – Zechariah 13:8-9
I am still insecure in my own skin and believing in the lies that who I am (who God created me to be) is not enough and that I need to change and be better for human approval and God's.
It's Easter in Eastern Europe today and I am reminded of Christ's sacrifice on the cross for my sins.
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever should believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." – John 3:16
God loves me, He loves all of us and we can praise him, "….for we are fearfully and wonderfully made." – Proverbs 139:14
God doesn't make mistakes because He is the Creator and sovereign over all.
Part of my testing that God has been putting me through is learning to accept myself for who I am and not living in the shadows of others or putting my identity in other people.
Problem is when I am not satisfied with who God created me to be then I am doubting God's majesty and I am easily offendable.
People will also disappoint you at one point or another and those you trust will end up hurting you because they're human too.
God is the only one that is worthy of putting faith in because He will never change for "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." – Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ's death and resurrection are the ultimate examples of love and hope and because I am saved, I don't need to prove myself to God or do anything to earn my salvation. In my head I know these things, but I am still a very action-oriented type of person. I like doing physical labor so that I can see physical results.
Doing Ask the Lord and Unsung Heroes this month means that there is a lot of downtime and way too much to think and feeling restless. At the same time it is actually really good to "rest" because then that is when God will make apparent the things that may not have been apparent before.
I am learning that it is OK to be uncomfortable and figuring out what it is that is making me feel angry when someone says something and how I can grow and learn from it. There will always be more lessons to learn, but I am going to try not to shy away from the harder things and rather to be more open and in prayer about these things.
This is a jumble of thoughts and maybe I'll blog more about some of the conclusions that I come to, but right now I'm just learning that God desires to mold me and shape me into the woman of God that he created me to be and sometimes it's going to be hard, but it is still for good.
