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What are the different ways that I can try to kill myself? Cutting? An overdose on pills?
Emily, my teammate, had grown up from a very broken environment and had felt pretty useless to her family, friends, and the world. She has been depressed as long as she can remember and the thoughts of killing herself has haunted her all her life. Alcoholism was a way of escape. Men, were an outlet of approval. Then again, none of the men she’s been with has ever affirmed her worth and were usually only after her body. Her ex-husband ridiculed her body and verbally abused her. How can she feel worthy? Even though she had been following Christ, why were her suicidal thoughts still plaguing her mind?

That�fs because there�fs a difference between the soul and the Spirit. The lead catalyst and pastor of New Earth Tribe taught on the difference between the soul and the Spirit. The soul is composed of the mind and body whereas the Spirit is separate and distinguishes humans from every other living being. In the past, the Israelites were circumcised to show that they belonged to God. Today, when we choose to follow Jesus, rather than getting a physical circumcision, there is a circumcision of the heart where soul and Spirit are divided*. The former Spirit becomes dead and we are given a new Spirit**. We are not given a new soul however, when we enter into a relationship with Christ. Our soul is still a part of who we were and that is what Jesus is looking to help us change day by day. Although our Spirit is a new creation, we are asked in Romans 12:2 “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” We are asked to renew, recreate, replace, restore, repair, reinvigorate, and revive our minds, which is of the soul. While the new Spirit we have is holy, pure, good and righteous, our soul is in the process of becoming holy, pure, good and righteous.

Emily’s Spirit has found freedom, but her soul is still being renewed daily. While on the World Race, my team has already seen the tremendous progress that God has been working in her life. While she couldn’t go five minutes without a negative thought about herself before, she is able to go hours with positive thoughts about herself now. Initially, she didn�ft want to change and didn�ft believe that she could, but as a team, we believed the best about her and for all that she could become. We prayed for her and random people began to speak into her life about her freedom. She had a dream about a World Racer, Jenae, opening doors for her wherever she went. Jenae had her own struggles with finding freedom and has been opening the doors for other�fs freedom through the positive decisions she is making. Just yesterday, I was standing next to Emily and we were talking to a guy named Tom about tattoos when all of a sudden he asked for the Scriptures. He read 1 Peter 1:3-7 for Emily, which speaks of how she is suffering now, but that through her perseverance, her character is being refined. He knew nothing about Emily’s story, but felt he needed to speak those words to her. The freedom of her soul is a process and is coming. Her story testifies to the truth that Jesus seeks to mend the wounds in even the most broken of us- even when we don’t want to get better, even when we reject him, and even when our lives, worth more than all the riches of the world to Jesus, is worth nothing to us.

*Hebrews 4:12 12 For the word of God is living, and active, and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing even to the dividing of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and quick to discern the thoughts and intents of the heart.

**Ezekiel 36: 26-27 Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances.

** 2 Corinthians 5:17 7 Get rid of the old �gyeast�h by removing this wicked person from among you. Then you will be like a fresh batch of dough made without yeast, which is what you really are. Christ, our Passover Lamb, has been sacrificed for us.