For the last several weeks I’ve prayed constantly about what God was calling me to. There are a few times in my life when I can tell you with absolute certainty that I knew God had called me to follow Him in a certain direction. I transferred from a prestigious university to a small unknown university because I knew God had called me there. I left my dream job at a junior college to move to Houston and begin coaching high school because I knew that’s the direction God was leading me. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord called me to follow Him by going on the World Race. But the last few weeks on the race were incredibly hard and I began to wonder what God had called me to. It wasn’t that I had made a mistake. I knew that the Lord was teaching me even in the midst of what I considered a valley. The Lord had brought me back to a place of intimacy with Him that I have known very few times in my life but at the same times questions began flooding my mind. I was where God wanted me wasn’t I? I was doing God’s work right? I was doing what I was called to correct?
As I began to look at God’s calling I began to ask myself WHAT was the call? Was it to serve the Lord? Was it to minister to those around me? What exactly did I need to ‘do’ to follow God’s call in my life? Then the words of an old friend came rushing to my mind. All God called us to do was to love Him with all of our heart, all of our mind and all of our soul. Service, ministry and our love for others flows out of our love for Him. His love for us isn’t conditional. He doesn’t love us because…fill in the blank with some activity. He loves us – He loves me -because I am His child. He didn’t love me more because I was on the race any more than He loved my best friend that stays at home with her kids every day. He didn’t love me more because I was doing missions work anymore than He loves my brother that teaches high school. God loves me only because I am His baby girl. At this point my thoughts shifted to what God’s calling looked like 4 weeks into the World Race…and it wasn’t what I expected. After several long days spent with tears and prayers both flowing freely I realized the Lord was calling me to love Him whole heartedly which meant loving myself the way He loves me, unconditionally. To love God ultimately means I must love myself, and in loving myself I must make decisions to take care of myself. So on October 30th I followed God’s leading and I returned home to the states.
God has called us all for a purpose only we can fulfill. As I sit here a week later I know that my L squad family traveled to Nicaragua today while I started life again in the woods of east Texas. However, we are both following the same call…it just took us down different and unexpected paths.
