Here's an excerpt of an email I wrote to my friend last Friday after returning from bar ministry.
"It's beginning, the breaking.
I met this woman named Rose* tonight at the bars. She was so sweet and open and had this air of innocence about her. She's 24, like me (when she found out she got so excited and grabbed my hand and was like 'Same!', to which I laughed and responded 'Yes, we are the same'). I didn't have to buy her a drink, she sat with me on and off of her own volition. Every time i caught her eye she would flash me the hugest grin.
I was praying all night for no customers. The few men who did walk in would strangely buy a drink, not talk to anyone, pay and walk out. Thank you, Jesus.
The last 20-30 minutes I was there this man in his late 20s/early 30s walks in and sits at the table across from me. It's one of those moments where I know that he knows that I am staring at him and he is concentrating so freaking hard on his beer and cigarette and trying not to look at me.
I heard Dad just say "Son, son, son . . ."
Rose sat down next to him and immediately the Spirit told me to start praying that she wouldn't get an STD tonight, that she wouldn't get beat or otherwise harmed tonight. My heart hurt because my flesh wanted to pray that he wouldn't buy her tonight…but it was already a foregone conclusion.
When we got back to the house, I got on my knees before Jesus and bawled like a baby. I know He is good, I trust in His goodness. But man. . . it hurts to trust Him sometimes.
Kenzie, Erin, Betty and I all prayed together and gave the entire night back to Jesus, all the burdens and everything. Afterwards we were discussing the night (Betty didn't go out with us, she's on the other bar team with Elizabeth and Krystyna) and I was absent-mindedly stroking my hair and realized the bottom of it was wet from crying out to the Lord. Then He started talking to me about when the sinful woman in Luke 7 was forgiven and she washed Jesus' feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. I opened up my Bible to read the story and realized it was also the passage where Jesus goes on to say,
"Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much."
And I remembered my friend Yining (one of my few Christian friends growing up that still goes to the Ark with me) clutching me and laughing and crying over a year ago telling me that very same passage and how I was like that woman.
Dad's expanding my heart. It's such a privilege, and it's also so hard. But it's good, it's all so good. Jesus sees it all, He freaking sees it all.
I don't know who I am becoming, except that she looks more like Jesus."
*Name changed to protect privacy and safety.
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