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Rest now, soon I'm going to break you.

I heard it whispered to me earlier this month, and immediately my spirit felt the impending weight of the Lord's glory. One of my prayers for the Race was to be broken, utterly broken, in how I love people. How I used to do it, how I currently do it, just isn't good enough. It's too . . . human. Conditional, defensive, self-seeking, easily burned up, easily burned out. That's not love, although I might have disguised it so.

So this month I have been learning to rest in the Father's heart. Where is my home? Where is my solace? Can I ever truly be alone? Can I ever be without the Father?

Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.
Hebrews 13:5

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
 

In the meantime, before the breaking begins, I wait. I wait upon my Father's voice. I wait to be woken up each morning with the astounding realization that I can't even get out of bed without Jesus to help me. I wait to be told by the Holy Spirit when to speak truth into my students and when to listen. I wait as life continues, knowing only one thing–that God is good. God is good, God is good, that's all I know, that's all I cling to. 

Is it possible to go back once the Father's opened your eyes? Is it possible to do life per usual with the knowledge, the kind of knowledge that resonates in your soul, that Jesus is the only source of life? Can I ever fall out of love with Him? Can I return to my old self?

I don't think so. Hallelujah and amen.