". . . Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish." Galations 5:16-17
What does it mean to walk in the Spirit? Are the Spirit and the flesh constantly at odds? Is there a constant war happening inside of me?
In living among other cultures, I'm finding that what Americans call independence is often a guise for selfishness. I'll eat what I want, when I want, with whom I want. I'll snag the internet connection at the cafe before others so I can update my blog or talk to my family. I'll do the ministry that I want rather than submitting to my leader's or my group's vision.
Andres and Stephanie. Andres is 91 or 93, depending on what day we catch him.
The Lord is constantly overturning the contents of my heart to expose what I've justified as independence. Is it really better to get my way? Am I really loving others well by putting myself first?
Death needs to happen. Death to the flesh, death to self.
"Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires tos ave his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?" Matthew 16:24-26
It's not pleasant to deny myself. Every time I'm faced with the choice of myself or others, I have to lay down my pride. Because when I choose myself, I think that I'm better than others, I think that I deserve better or that my opinion carries more weight.
However, I'm finding that choosing to walk in the Spirit gets easier the more times I practice. Again, the Kingdom is made of small things, small decisions of 'yes' to the Lord that cumulate and build on each other.
It's not about guilt or condemnation, it's about love. My team is becoming somewhat notorious for the length of our nightly team feedback sessions. Every night we sit down and re-hash the day, encouraging and recognizing the good we saw in each other and calling out the times that were frustrating, hurtful, or just plain not loving. These feedback sessions last anywhere from 2 to 4 hours (last night we even called a 10-minute intermission at the 2 hour mark)!
These faces have a lot to say to each other.
I've been called out on a lot. Being too quick to speak, being legalistic in my theology, .02 second instances where I was short or rude or dismissive to others. There was one night when I had a 30 second confrontation with my leader where I attempted to dominate him and get him to back down, and then tried to brush it off as a joke. When he called me out on it during feedback, I really struggled with why I responded to him with such defensiveness and anger. That night and the next morning, the Lord revealed to me that I had unforgiveness in my heart towards all men (friends, boyfriends, my dad) in my past. He showed me that I had a broken mindset of what it meant to stand up for myself, and that in not trusting people (especially leadership) I could not fully trust God nor fully step under His protection. Needless to say, much weeping, repentence, and forgiveness took place–but it has been wonderfully freeing! Who knew that opening up the deeper wounds of life would result in such healing and freedom. Our God is always good.
That's really a snippet of what happens in our feedback sessions, and the tremendous fruit that comes out of the confrontations. The most valuable part of feedback is that it's done in love. Even as we uncomfortably sit there as we express frustration, anger, hurt, etc. my team is committed to seeing each other grow into greater and more magnificent men and women of God. We call out the bad because we know that that's not really how Jesus created us to be, and we believe in a greater destiny for one another.
I'm being stretched beyond imagination. I'm learning to choose the Lord and die to myself. I'm blessed to walk alongside Team Hebron as we all struggle and grow and love. Ultimately, I'm learning what it means to be a daughter of God- to walk boldly as the woman He made me, to accept my inheritance, to be free. Thank you, Jesus.
"Whom the Son sets free is free indeed." John 8:36
Guatemala – Welcome to San Pedro La Laguna from C Young on Vimeo.
