Many times on the race I have been faced with beggars. Beggar children were all over the touristy places in the countries we went to in Asia. We had been taught that for the most part these children were working for a gang or sydicate leader and that anything given to them would only be taken away. We were also told that often times if the child was given food and ate it they could suffer abuse at the hands of their boss. Knowing these things never once alleviated the deep sadness that followed an encounter with a child begging for money or trying to sell bracelets.
So I began wrestling with God and wondering what the solution was. “How do we help these kids or even adults in their time of need?” When I was in Siem Reap, Cambodia my team and I were approached by a young girl, maybe 13 or 14 years old. She had a toddler in her arms and an empty sippy cup. She asked us to buy her some food and said that was all that she needed. So I was sitting there wrestling internally with thoughts like “Does she really need this food?” or “Oh good, she is asking for food, so its not like she will use the money to buy drugs or alcohol.” So I volunteered to go buy her some food. She stated that she needed baby formula for the little one and milk for herself. Then I was thinking “No problem, I can see this need and meet it.” Then we got to the store and she wanted the most expensive baby formula and in the biggest size. She refused to let me buy her a smaller one and she actually wanted 2 of the biggest ones. So the internal struggle continued. “Is she being honest?” “Does she really need the fomula, don’t most women breast feed in foriegn countries” “Why does it have to be the biggest one?” But I felt very strongly at the time that Jesus would have bought her the formula and shown her mercy. He probably also would have said something profound like “Man does not live on baby formula alone.” But I was not Jesus so I was struggling with my something profound to say and purchased the formula and milk for her. And as I was going to start a real conversation with her, like Jesus would, she booked it out of the store and I never saw her again.
I later saw many young girls using this technique to lure tourists to buy them expensive formula. I am guessing that they would sell the formula and use the money for something else. After this interaction, I became slightly jaded towards giving. I mean, I GOT SCAMMED. I felt like an idiot. I knew deep down that Jesus was happy that I was obedient, but I wasn’t happy. I kinda regretted it.
Fast forward two months, and take a hop, skip, and a jump over to a different continent. I am in Malawi now. Malawi is a beautiful place and I love the people here. I come alive when I am in the villages playing with children. However, I quickly realized that it is not always rainbows and butterflies in this wonderful place. One of the first times I was in a village here one child kept repeating the phrase “Give me money.” Every time it was like a nail to my heart. I would reply by saying “I do not have money to give you, but I have hugs!” And I would continue on with being silly and having fun with the kids.
I left that day feeling a deep sadness. My heart broke for a few different reasons. I was sad that the one english phrase this child knew was “Give me money.” I kept thinking “What does that say about the people that have come before me?” I had heard from some people that we worked with that Malawians had become reliant on aid from “azungus”(white people). I definitely never want to contribute to this systemic issue. I don’t want to be a part of a enabling an entire people group. I also was extremely uncomfortable with the fact that they viewed money as the cure to all their problems. So I continued wrestling with God about this. I had skimmed through the book “When Helping Hurts” years ago and I did not want to be apart of hurting this culture or these people because it may “feel good” to give money to orphans.
It seemed that everywhere we turned the last two weeks someone was asking us for money. A man that we work closely with each day asked our team for 15000 kwacha (about $30 usd) because as he stated in his note his “family was starving” . And I remember thinking, “Man, I really wish he hadn’t put us in this uncomfortable situation.” And “Why does this keep happening?” (Trust me, I am mad at myself for thinking these thoughts as well.)
Anyway, this didn’t sit well with me, as with every other time I was asked for money. So I took it to the Lord and I talked about it with my teammates and our ministry host. I knew that there was a solution and I had to get to it. I had to figure out what the best response was in these situations. As I was talking to my ministry host one day it all began to make sense. And part of me is ashamed that I ever thought I knew better. I was talking to him about the different situations that came up and my concerns that the people might be becoming reliant on “azungu” money. I also told him about this “plan” I had concocted to enable person that asked for 15k kwacha to work for it so that he coud, ya know, keep his dignity and not become reliant on handouts. He became brutally honest with me and it was exactly what I needed to hear. He told me to think about grace and how completely undeserving we are and how Jesus knew we were going to abuse the gift and squander it, but he still gave us grace. He also said that Jesus never made us work for the gift that he freely gave, so why should others have to work for it. He said a lot more awesome stuff, but it would probably be a terrible paraphrase if I tried to write it all. But it got me thinking. A lot.
So again, I started wrestling and talking with God about all of this. The Lord brought a deep conviction into my heart. I saw my sin against these people and I was disgusted by it. How dare I presume that I know what is best for the Malawian people! How dare I ask for money to go on the world race and deny it from others who are starving! How dare I withhold mercy when there is a need in front of me that I am able to meet! I saw my sin. It was not pretty.
I re-listened to a sermon my pastor gave in February about mercy. One thing that stood out was when he said, “If God only showed mercy to the deserving poor, then we would all be dead to our sin.” He also talked about how as christians we often “want to make sure we show mercy to those who won’t squander it, but all we do is squander the mercy given to us by the Gospel.” It is times like these that I see my sin and am extremely grateful for the mercy of the Gospel.
America, we are rich. The vast majority of us never have to wonder where our next meal will come from. My family was on food stamps for much of my childhood and as tough as that can be, we never went hungry. There was a really big draught in Malawi this year, and much of the maze never grew to what was expected and thousands of people will starve to death. We have the ability to meet needs when we see them. I want to be the type of person who gives radically so that when someone asks me “Why?”, I can say “Because that is what my Savior did for me.” Don’t you want that too? Let’s stop putting limits on mercy and see the needs of those around us and use the blessings that God has given us to meet those needs. One of the women we work with each day said to me yesterday “You never become poor from giving too much. God provides.”
Peace and chicken grease,
Christina
