Today marks the year anniversary of loosing my best friend/ grandmother. Her name was Patricia Schloot but we called her Gram. Growing up I always told her she was never going to die so I never wanted to bear the thought of loosing her. She was all our families best friend and the strong steel backbone for all of us. But now a year after her death, I feel as if my memories of Gram are slipping away…I don’t think of her as much or cry as much as I use to. I wonder if my future kids will truly be able to understand the importance of her life and how I am who I am because of her. I always imagined dancing funny with Gram at my wedding and her being able to approve of my Catholic husband. I know she is watching down on us but it’s just not the same. I miss the jingle of her gold bracelets and the warm touch of her holding my hand. I miss her saying “will it matter in 20 years?” I miss her unannounced phone calls. I didn’t get everything I needed from her. There are so many question that I wish I asked and so many more times I wish I called. Losing someone so close to me makes me petrified to ever loose another loved one. When I am a grandma, well hopefully I’ll be one, my name will be Gram. I will let my grandkids take baths in my kitchen sink. I will take them on their own separate vacations. I will make sure they always order dessert at dinner. I will teach them about the Catholic faith and even take them on confession by bribing them with going out to eat after. I will wear her gold clasp bracelet so they too can hear that special jingle. I hope I someday I can make an impact of others lives just like she did.
During my 11 month trip Gram will be in my heart, after all I blame her for giving me the “travel bug.” I will grasp her gold bracelet when I am homesick and scared knowing that she is cheering me on up in heaven and if so excited to be seeing all I have been doing. I will do this Race in her honor knowing if she was still alive and I called her crying and homesick she would’t give me the option to quit and go home.
Want to help purchase supplies I need for the race? Check out my REI gift registry! Click here!
