I meet amazing people every day at work, it has not been a small amount of perfect strangers who have opened up to me there, shared their stories and deepest secrets and wishes, and we exchange information. But what touched me most about one particular story of a girl who was questioning her God, is that her story shared similar pieces to my own.
We can almost always find some common ground with others, but this, this was a small but miraculous intervention of God. To let us know he sees the sadness that is in our hearts.
One of the things I have been struggling with these last past few weeks (or past few years) is my perception on beauty. As a young woman, I have particularly been shown just how ugly beauty can truly be, at least with what our television commercials, billboards, movie stars, and magazines objectify it as.
What some don’t realize is the definition of beauty differs in each corner of the globe. Everyone knows that something changes depending on how you look at it, where you look at it, and in which point of time in life you see it. So if the idea of beauty is then ever changing, distinctive by perspective, how then can we ever be expected to define such a silly word?
So I’ll just say it. No matter what point of view I am looking at myself, no matter if I was here or there, 10 years ago or 10 years forward, I do not think I am beautiful.
I’m sorry, where you expecting me to say something like ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’? Or beauty is skin deep? Don’t get me wrong, they are very poetic, and I appreciate the people who wrote them because it gives me hope people truly think that way.
What I think, is that I am to skinny, my nose is to crooked, my hair to thin, and I have always had a terrible time with my skin. In fact, I have missed several moments in life because of my skin issues, because of my low self esteem. It has kept me from building relationships, and because I have little love for myself, it limits the love I can give to others.
Your perception of yourself can change everything.
And I hope my perception does change.
Moments happen in our lives that force us to evaluate where we are in life. Sometimes things feel like a test that I keep failing and I didn’t know why. But I know God is asking me how can I past a test I do not study for? I pray for results but sometimes I am not willing to do the work.
What I have learned is that God does not give grades, a C+ a B or an A-. He either passes us or fails us, and it doesn’t matter if we have walked through the valley, ran through the forest, crossed the mote and climbed the castle if we do not step through the door.
I know what it says in the bible, but there is a difference between knowing and knowing.
Sometimes progress is just recognizing that you haven’t made any.
But God will always give us a second chance, a third, a hundredth, a thousandth, ‘until the good work in us is complete.’ And usually He is pretty generous and gives us time in between the last test and the next, time for reflection, for meditation, for study. But it is only time He gives, the choice is ours what we do with it.
“We will glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance, and perseverance, character, and character, hope.” (Romans 5:3-4)
A part of those tests is recognizing our administrator, and distinguishing who is friend, and who is foe.
Whenever something goes horribly wrong in my life, my anger points the finger at my maker. We know scripture, we know nothing evil comes from Him, that He is only good and he only saves. But I must not yet truly know must I, or I must have forgotten.
You see, our enemy is smart, sadly he knows us better than we know ourselves. But he is also a coward, and the most clever thing he does is try to pin the blame for all of our problems on someone else.
God.
It is only when we have fallen for his lies that he reveals himself, because like everything evil, he is to proud to let someone else take all the credit of his master plans for destruction. it is in those pivotal moments which almost destroy us that truly define us. But here’s the silver lining, God will always ask us “Who do you want to be?”
The devil can only win for as long as we let him to, and that’s when we have our second chance. We might have followed that rabbit down the hole, stayed a little while and gotten dirty, but just like water cleanses the earth, and light makes the darkness brighter, where there is evil, there is good.
I need to ask myself if this reoccurring trial in my life will melt the ice in my heart or allow it to harden, because in the end it is ‘the same sun that melts the ice that hardens the clay.’
The devil, he sees the cracks in our faith and the sin that separates us from God and acts on them. He even sees our ignorance of thanksgiving and prayer when things are going so well for us. Haven’t you wondered how so suddenly your wonderful life has gone up in flames in a matter of a day? He confuses us on who exactly our enemy is. But we must believe it is not God. We must believe that God will take whatever the devil throws at us and work it out for our good, mold it into our character.
Whatever we do in the progress to be who we truly know we should, we must never stop believing, if we stop believing in the good God does in this world, there will be nothing but darkness. I know that is not what I want. I know nothing that is truly meant having will ever come easily, and I want everything God is offering me, a new heart, a new mind, and true beauty. So I must pick up the sword, and pick up the cross, and pick up where I left off and fight for what is meant fighting for.
Will you do the same?
