I think we've all heard that term. It refers to that sense of regret people get after making some sort of big purchase – like a car or a house.
You make a commitment to something and then after you've walked away with the signed paper in your hand, your smile slowly starts to fade, you stop in your tracks and think…
"uh oh… was that the right thing to do?"
It wasn't too long after committing to this race that I started feeling what I can only describe as buyer's remorse. Not in the area of regret – I do not in any way regret my decision. But I did start to feel the weight of my decision.
I started to feel the sacrifice.
One day last week I was spending time with my amazing 6-year-old nephew and he climbed up in the chair I was sitting in and snuggled up with me as tight as he could, eliminating any bit of space that could separate us. As I held him close and kissed his face I felt a lump form in my throat and my eyes sting as I realized I would not see his precious face for 11 months. He was growing up so fast.
What would I miss out on seeing in his budding life?
Over the weekend I was spending time with some of my best friends here and in the midst of laughing at a joke I looked around at each one of their faces and again felt that familiar lump in my throat. What amazing friends I have been blesed with having! Things are never dull in my group not for a minute! Things can change for them in an instant! They could meet someone, get married, be offered a new opportunity that could take them away…and all while I was miles away and unable to be present in it.
How I would miss living and experiencing life with them each day.
Then my brother injured himself at his job and I began to worry
about what things could happen with my family while I was away.
Would everyone be ok?
What if…
I prayed. Others prayed for me. I worshiped. I prayed some more. Words were spoken over me of trust and His promises, and faithfulness, and His very, very clear calling on this new season of my life.
And then breaking MIGHTILY through all the confusion, the questions, and the heaviness came His voice…
"You asked Me for this. You asked Me to go deeper. I want to take you deeper…"
And my eyes opened.
Yes.
I asked for this.
I asked to be launched and activiated in His plans for me.
I asked Him to bring me to a greater dependence on Him.
I asked to be used and sent forth.
I asked for my life to look radically different than anything in the past.
I offered EVERYTHING if He would just take me with Him wherever He wanted to go.
Everything I am, and everything I have is His and is under His control and care.
My favorite part of the song is the bridge. The music starts to change and her urgency for God to move is reflected in her voice as her energy grows as she sings:
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters.
Wherever You would call me, take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.
And my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior."
Trust without borders.
No limits, no fears, no worries, no doubt. I know this is big. It's VERY BIG! It's going to be hard.
I am going to get tired, discouraged, annoyed, homesick… BUT…
"Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You've never failed and you won't start now"
If God be for us, and WITH us, who can stand against us?
NO ONE!
