During some really great team time last night, the conversation was deep, it was personal, it was frustrating, it was startling, it was raw, it was real, it was fabulous, it brought about some revelations.
Let’s shed some perspective. I have been wearing the same leggings, the same socks, the same cami, the same t-shirt, the same long sleeved shirt, the same northface jacket, the same scarf, the same mittens, and the same hat for going on 10 days. Nope, I haven’t changed. This is normal. What would be abnormal is if I changed my clothes, if I washed my hair, if I put on makeup, etc.
This. is. my. life.
I don’t think twice anymore when I go to sleep and I’m shivering. I don’t think twice when I eat or drink questionable things, I have the proper medicine to help it. My mom nags me that I don’t take enough photos. Do you take photos when you go into work every day? Me neither. This is my every day life.
My bathroom is a hole in the ground. My mirror is my reflection in a dusty window or my itouch camera. The only time I plan to look decent or take the extra 2 minutes is when I skype my boyfriend, and that only includes putting on chapstick, maybe eye liner if I’m feeling extra girly. I get my thrills from my squad mates when they skip down the road with me or fold my clothes, or give me big hugs or get me to dance to sketchy music.
But is that okay? Is this okay that this is normal? That I’m not scared of lice, malaria, typhoid or food poisoning? Is it okay that I’m not excited or leaping for joy every second? I’m sorry mom for not taking more pictures but it’s just not exciting anymore. It’s just life. My life isn’t for me anymore, it’s for Christ. It’s not about how much I do anymore it’s about look what God did with what little I have actually accomplished. And trust me, not every day is jam packed out here in the field but God does it anyways.
Being in Asia is like a sloppy wet kiss compared to Africa. I feel like the dark hand that was gripping me and holding me back has been released. But we’re not fooled by the gorgeous climate of Nepal and the beautiful mountains. We aren’t fooled by the peace. The spiritual darkness here comes at you with things like material items, sex trafficking, free love, fake gods, idolatry.
I’m rambling. My team told me to write a blog because I became super happy with the realization that we are out of Africa and I screeched “I’m a baller in Asia free from Africa”. I felt trapped by Africa like I was smothered, helpless, hopeless, lost, maybe even a little depressed.
Despite me thinking my life is ordinary…. it’s not. Our contact calls us the world changers. Am I? Really? Think about it. I wake up and play with street kids and build orphanages. That doesn’t sound like a big deal. I’m humbled but I’m not doing anything anyone else couldn’t do. I’m just choosing to be used by God in a foreign country.
The exit doors to your church is the entryway to the mission field.
I want you to know that I’m not special. I’m not some jewel or some world changer. I’m a broke 26 year old living in a third world country just trying to do something, anything to bring some kind of love from God to anyone who will listen. I want you to know that sometimes I get to do some amazing things at the end of my months but the real excitement in my heart stirs when I see someone on my team making someone smile on the street not when I get to ride an elephant. My journey is ending soon, I can see the finish line… or so we say. But it’s not the finish line I’ll be crossing, it’s the starting line.
During team time we get called out on our distractions. Yes, I’m so excited to see my parents at the airport. I’m so thrilled to take a real shower, to cuddle with my dog, to eat food that doesn’t get me sick, to lay in a hammock and read a book and worship God in the comforts of my own home with my friends….but that will get old after a week and I’m going to start to stir again. To get that itch. To look at the clock and do the math of what time it is in Kenya for little Samuel and wonder if his sweater was mended and if the jaundice yellow in his eyes was treated. I know my time in America will be limited when I get back because I’ll want my ordinary life with Jesus back.
I’m just ordinary, Jesus is the extraordinary.
