Have
A
Great
Summer
Never change.
That’s what we write in yearbooks on the last day of school every year – never change.
It’s normal in middle school or high school to be afraid of change. If you’re popular you don’t want to lose that; if you’re nerdy you find comfort in that; even if you didn’t know the person who owned the yearbook you were signing you still didn’t want them to ever change. We didn’t realize it at the time but we were hoping for the worst for each other. Hoping someone doesn’t change is all fine and dandy for yearbook lingo but we never actually stopped hoping for that same thing all throughout life.
Even after that first year of college everyone gets back together on Christmas break and everything is different. You’ve changed, your friends have changed, your idea of fun has changed; we hate it. We have been cultured to believe that change is bad. We encourage each other to inhibit growth, to stay comfortable, to never change. Because if you’re changing and I’m not then we can no longer relate and let’s face it, it’s scary.
Without realizing it I signed up for the race wanting to change. I never uttered those words but I knew it was a “package deal” perk of going on such an adventure. All the people I talked to on the phone, met in person, or blog stalked, I wanted to be like them. Perhaps it was high expectations or idolizing the experience, but ultimately I was recognizing the Jesus in them that I wanted to have in me. So when it came to the point on the race when I realized I have changed and I am different I was excited right? Wrong. I was furious.
Me? Change?
Ha! Like I would ever. I am the same person that left America 5 months ago. I have seen the effects of the Hugh Hefner of Costa Rica falling in love with the Lord. I have witnessed Thai children with Buddhist families jumping up and down with excitement because they want to know what Jesus has planned for their lives. I have met Cambodians who literally never thought to give a hug until they saw the love of God. But witness these things and have them change me? Yeah right.
I used to think being a Christian meant knowing exactly what you believed and sticking to it.
I used to think looking like Jesus meant looking like I had everything together even when I didn’t.
I used to think that loving others meant not loving myself.
I used to think if you waivered in faith it changed how much God loves you.
I used to think that when I felt far away from God it was because I really was.
I now know that how close God is to us has nothing to do with how I feel about Him, He’s always close.
I now know that God’s love never changes even if we do.
I now know that it’s impossible to love others they way Jesus does without first loving who God made me to be.
I now know that Jesus had times when he felt like a basket case even though he was perfect and holy on Earth (he was still human).
I now realize that being a Christian means you are constantly changing and growing and learning.
Christianity is not about knowing something perfectly or fully but strengthening a relationship with God. And a relationship with God is just like any other relationship – you learn more about Him every day.
God doesn’t want us to stay how we are at any time in our lives. He wants to take us from our arrogance, our pride, our ignorance and replace all of that with parts of Him; love, grace, joy, kindness, patience. For most of my existence I have been viewing life as a means to a goal.
“Just wait till I get to high school, then I will find my purpose.”
“Oh, wait till I pick my major, then I will know how my life is supposed to go!”
“Hey, once I get my first real job then my life will be on track.”
I wasn’t realizing that Jesus is the goal.
I have Jesus and He is all I need. I don’t need to keep waiting for a purpose or a path because I am living with Jesus at my side. And while I don’t enjoy not knowing what my life will look like next year or next month even, I no longer have to worry because it’s not my job to control everything that happens and if I’m traveling with someone I trust then I don’t need to ask where He’s taking me because we’re going there together.
I hope I keep changing every day of my life. I pray that the woman I am right now is not the woman who comes back to America in 5 months. I know I’m not the girl who left. If I’m not changing then I’m not learning anything else about God or looking any more like Jesus, and that’s not good for either of us. I pray that you change too – not because it is bad to be who you are but because it wouldn’t be fair for me to not want what’s best for you and I know God will give it to you.
HAGS,
I hope we all change.
-C
