It finally happened.
“It happens to everyone,” they told me.
“You can try to avoid it but it’s inevitable,” they all said.
“Don’t be nervous, it is for the better,” I was advised.
The first time I noticed it I was in month two. We were pretty far away from the city so I blamed it on seclusion. Month three was even worse but I had a lot that reminded me of home. This month has been the hardest ever. I was never like this five months ago.
I’ve changed.
It happens to pretty much everyone who goes on the race; one moment you’re fine and the next you can’t even recognize the person looking at you in the mirror (if you’re lucky enough to have a mirror). I knew coming into this that I wanted all the good things the Lord has to offer me. I knew that in order to grow into the person God made me to be I would have to go through sticky situations and it wouldn’t always be a smooth ride. Every new moment of crunch time I have been ready to step up my game. Not just ready but willing and in celebration. God took my life from a jar and is molding me into a masterpiece. It’s not that I wasn’t expecting this or that I am even afraid of change; I just never thought I’d be one of them.
A peanut butter lover.
Growing up I would request PB&J with less PB and extra J. I only liked the celery in ‘Ants on a Log,’ and yes, it was even hard for me to bite into a Reese’s. Now, I crave every thing that is made with peanut butter, and add it to things that don’t require it’s creamy goodness (i.e. a spoon). Peanut butter has become more rare and luxurious than gold (and worth every $6 jar). I would rather drown my sorrows in peanut butter than chocolate and greet my day with a dip in the jar. I’ve licked my finger more times than a baby because I love peanut butter THAT much.
I don’t know if life in other countries forces you into addiction to the few foods that taste like home (coke, peanut butter, bread) or if the veil has been taken off my eyes. But I do know that peanut butter is delicious and I dream of the day when I get to America and can enjoy a jar on its original soil. I am no longer ashamed of who the race has made me to be.
My name is Christina and I am a peanut butter lover.
-C
This blog is dedicated to my beautiful squad leader Amanda Brucki.
