Holy wow!
I am left completely speechless by the amount of fundraising I have received so far. Over $9,000?! Are you serious?! It’s only been three weeks of fundraising and I am past my August goal! I. Just. Cant. Believe. It. THANK YOU.
The first thing I think when I see my fundraising account is “They’ve got the wrong person.” All I’ve done to raise money so far is ask if you believe in me and this is the result? Confidence is tricky business but apparently when everyone believes in you, you start to doubt yourself. Why do they believe in me? I can’t make a difference. This is too much pressure.
Fear
This week was a bad week for fear. I’ve started to believe every lie that Satan has been throwing my way. You’d think that once you start believing Satan’s lies that he would stick with that lie to mess with you, but no, he just keeps throwing more. 11 months is way too long. Everyone is going to forget about you. Your teammates on the field will just make fun of you. You don’t deserve to go on the World Race. You don’t want to be a better person. You don’t want to leave because you will change and you will hate the person you turn out to be. Satan has been telling me all this and more for the past few days so naturally I have been an emotional mess. I didn’t want to tell you about any of it though because then you will know that I am weak. But it’s happening, and I’m telling you, because the world keeps enough secrets as it is.
I’ve tried a lot of things to set my mind straight through all this turmoil but not much seemed to be working. When you question your ability you question your existence and I’ve really just lost track of who I am. Satan keeps telling me ideas of who I am to make me second guess who I really am and I started to believe him. So today I went to find who I used to be in order to remember who I am.
I went through all of my old elementary school papers and I found out that I’ve always known myself better than I realized. First, I found a lovely story I wrote about my doll who had “bras in her hair” instead of braids. I found a paper where I practiced writing addresses of which I chose to write my address, target’s address, and Donatos pizza’s address. (I’ve always had great priorities.) What’s really cool is that through all the drawings, stories, and projects I always talked about the same things.
Christina’s Common Elementary Themes:
- Pizza
- Reading
- Princess Diana
What’s even crazier is that all of those are still my favorite things today! Sure, college, jobs, and friendships may have shadowed them, but they’ve always been on my heart. (Yes, I love pizza THAT much.) It’s incredibly comforting to realize that even when you change you don’t really change. And its important to remember who we’ve always been and what we’ve always cared about.
Princess Diana has always been my role model. Just by watching her on TV when I was a little girl I was captivated by her charisma. I know that I am not alone in the admiration I’ve always had for Diana, so I’m sure it can’t be hard for you to see what I’m talking about. I was in awe of her elegance. I was captured by her genuineness. I was entranced by her heart. Everything that I admired about Diana was part of her Godliness. You can’t go wrong when you want your heart to be like hers.
For my third grade biography report I chose to be Diana because she is who I truly wanted to be like. I want her ability to meet anyone in the world and love them instantly. I want her ability to ignore criticism and be strong in identity. I want her desire to be there for everyone in the moment. I was always jealous of her chance to get to care for all people and now I have my chance. I know for a fact that even a princess has had hard days so I will get through my hard days too. As long as I remember that I’ve always wanted a heart like Jesus I can’t veer too far off course.
“I’m not a political animal, but I think the biggest disease this world suffers from in this day and age is the disease of people feeling unloved.” –Princess Di
