November is coming to an end. The holidays are here. It’s almost 2012…
It’s. Almost. 2012.
Am I excited? Um, duh! I’m so excited I almost pee in my pants when I think about it.
I still have 216 days until July. My heart jumps up and down when I think about it and I get first date butterflies/jitters. Sometimes, tears fill my eyes because I’m so grateful for this opportunity.
In my last blog I gave a glimpse of the things that God is doing in my life right now. He’s changing a lot. He’s breaking me and making me new. I’m learning that we can always improve ourselves when we’re striving to be like Christ because He is so perfect. I’m going to give you a glimpse of where I was and where I am now.
I have always been a very compassionate person. When I see someone hurting I can feel their hurt in my heart. I grew up in a broken family. My mother was very young so my grandmother helped raise me. My father didn’t come into the picture until I was older. Life led me to live with him when I was about 12. I loved my daddy! I was his favorite and he spoiled me so bad it wasn’t funny. His favoritism turned into love that was wrong. My father sexually abused me when I was a young girl. God brought me out of the situation but life after that was rough, to say the least. For years, every night I sat in my closet and cried until I was so tired that I couldn’t hold my eyes open anymore. To the outside world I was still the same happy, compassionate girl. I hid it very well. I was in and out of church but God was constantly tugging at my heart. I tried to hide the pain by living in sin. The enemy tricked me into thinking that drinking, sex, and living like the world would make everything better. It was all lies. I knew in my heart that there was a reason that I went through the things that God allowed me to go through. I remember the scripture that God revealed to me when I knew that I was called to ministry.
Take a good look, friends, at who you were when you got called into this life. I don't see many of "the brightest and the best" among you, not many influential, not many from high-society families. Isn't it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these "nobodies" to expose the hollow pretensions of the "somebodies"? That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God. Everything that we have—right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start—comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. That's why we have the saying, "If you're going to blow a horn, blow a trumpet for God."
1 Corinthians 1:26-31; The Message
God showed me that scripture about 4 years ago. He healed me of my hurt. He taught me about forgiveness. I haven’t spoken to my father in about 7 years but in my heart his slate is clean.It has not been easy. It has been hard. It has been a process. My flesh gets the best of me sometimes and I want to give up but my battle has already been won! God has the victory!
I can’t wait to share the love that God has freely poured on me to hurting women.
I can’t wait to hear their stories.
I can’t wait to tell them the promises that have been made to us by Jesus.
I can’t wait to see the Holy Spirit come down and wipe their tears away.
I can’t wait to share those stories with you!
