I have 9 days left of The World Race.
I honestly can't tell you what I was expecting to be feeling right now… But I can tell you that I was expecting something, maybe a bit more put together, maybe a bit stronger, a bit more spiritual…
But I find myself struggling with the same disappointments, fighting the same brokenness, and questioning the meaning of it all.
This year has been, hands down, one of the most incredible years of my life. I can't even begin to explain all the things I've seen and experienced. All the things I've learned. All the ways I've grown.
And that's where the road block starts. This year sometimes feels like a Narnia experience where I entered into this wardrobe and was spit into this magical world for a year and then in 9 days will find myself back in the "real world".
It's funny sitting around the dinner table with the different teams on my squad saying, "Remember that one time we went horse trekking through the artic tundra in China and stayed with Tibetan nomads in their tent. Or that one time we flew from Africa to Romania and only had jeans and flip flops on, but we jumped off the train in knee deep in snow and spent 3 hours in an abandoned warehouse waiting for the next train at 3 am. Or that one time we went to a deserted island in Panama and then on the boat ride home chased a hump back whale that was so close that we were scared for our life that it was going to come up on our boat like Jaws."
This year feels like a greenhouse of growth.
I think lately I have put this pressure on myself to have it all figured out. But honestly, in life when do we ever have it all figured out.
I have been trying my hardest to be the best squad leader these past couple months, to soak up everything I can with the race coming to an end, and to come home being the best version of me that I can be.
And this is when I had to take a step back and realize that I just have to be…
I believe that it all comes back to the simplest truths and foundation of God's love, that love is really the thing that matters and that we have to keep our eyes fixed on Him, the author and perfecter of our faith.
There's no way we are ever going to have all the answers, there's no 1, 2, 3, process to having a relationship with the Lord.
I've learned this past week to just be and remember that He is the ultimate story writer.
"You get a feeling when you look back on life that that's all God really wants from us, to live inside a body He made and enjoy the story and bond with us through the experience," Donald Miller.
I'm not going to come home shiny, new, and perfect. I could definitely use a haircut, a trip to the dentist, and am kind of half expecting Mom to hose me off in the back yard before entering the house (especially since a lice epidemic has broke out this past month). I'm not coming home with it all figured out, heck I don't even know what I'm doing with my life when I get home.
But I am coming home so thankful for the story that He has written. Not only this past year, but throughout my life. I am thankful to have experienced the greatness, faithfulness, and love of God. I am thankful that I can trust Him to not only write, but turn the pages of my story.
I give it all to you Lord trusting that You'll make something beautiful out of me…
