Here I am, sitting on the ground in the hallway of the local
Catholic Center,
our temporary residence in Swazi for the past five days. It took me a good ten
minutes to realize that I am alone right now. Out of the 26 souls that come in
and out of their dorms here throughout the day, right now I am the only one.
That’s amazing. In a city where thievery and attackers roam the streets, being
alone is never an option. We can’t workout on our own, we can’t run up to the
grocery store on our own, and we can’t check our email on our own…we are
constantly connected to someone for safety.
So why do I feel so alone?
Ever since we arrived in Africa, I’ve
been plagued with feelings of isolation. It doesn’t matter how many people
surround me, I still feel completely alone. So now is the time where I need to
cling to God’s word, to his promises for my life. I love that life works this
way. I may feel a certain way, but
God’s word is constant. It is always true, it always applies, and God has given
it to us for situations such as this to comfort us in our time of need.
2 Corinthians 1 describes God as the God of all comfort who “comforts us in all
our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any
affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2
Cor.1:4. It goes on to say that as we share in the afflictions of Christ, we
will also be able to share in the comfort. Now to any sane person, this may not
sound too reassuring. I mean who would choose affliction just to be able to experience
the comfort? Wouldn’t it just be better to skip the whole affliction part? Hop
on down to verse 9: “Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of
death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the
dead.”
I tell God I want to grow, I ask God to draw near to me, and
then when he gives me the perfect opportunity, I pull back and change my mind.
Just because this doesn’t look exactly like I thought it would, doesn’t mean
that this isn’t a direct answer to
prayer. How often does this happen in our lives? We think we are getting a
sentence of death, but God just wants us to rely on him. And if we do, he will
take care of everything.
Even now, as I sit here thinking about this, I still
struggle with handing this over to God. I know it’s the right thing to do, I
know that ultimately it will end in good, yet I still want to try and figure it
out on my own. What’s wrong with me?
Lord, I don’t know why I cling so
tightly to what is yours. God forgive me for trying to leave you out of certain
parts of my life. Lord I know that you are the ultimate comforter, and in this
situation, you are the only one who can bring me true comfort, you are the only
one who can ease my affliction. Lord, I ask that you walk with me. I ask that
you be my best friend, my confidant, my everything. Lord I pray that I learn to
rely on you more and more everyday. God thank you for the opportunity to be
comforted by you. I pray that I would feel your love and your comfort today and
everyday that I think I am alone. You are good Lord, all the time you are good,
and I thank you for that.
Amen.
