One thing I struggle with in ministry is doing things that
are not goal-oriented. I’ve always been a part of ministry that has an
objective that we are trying to accomplish throughout the time we are there. Whether
that means painting a house, digging wells, or showing the Jesus film to
certain villages, the ministry I’ve done has always been measurable at the end
of it. Even outside of ministry, I tend to be a task-oriented person. If you’ve
ever seen my calendar back at home you already have a glimpse into this, but I
just love to track what I’m doing, make to-do lists, and accomplish goals. I
like to be organized and aware of what’s going on and in addition, I like the
feeling of completing a goal and crossing it off the list. It’s a pretty good
feeling.
Here in Thailand,
however, the ministry we’ve been doing is relational; there isn’t necessarily a
goal or an objective, other than to build relationships and spend time with
different groups of people. The one continuous ministry we’ve been a part of is
working with several different students who are members of the English Club at
the local university. We have spent the last three days hanging out with them
and really just learning about each other’s cultures. We have all been given Thai
names and in return, have given them American names. We’ve played volleyball,
planted pineapples, swam in a hot spring, exchanged cultural dances, toured
some local caves, fed the monkeys, eaten tons of rice and fruit, and had many valuable
conversations as well.
It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around relational ministry.
I feel like I’m not doing enough if I can’t look back on the day and see
progress in a tangible form. I almost feel like I’m being a tourist instead of a
missionary. Another reason I struggle with relational ministry is that I’m not
a very social/outgoing person in general. I love spending time with children
and holding babies, I even enjoy working with those older than myself, but the
moment I work with my peers, I shut down. I find myself not wanting to get out
of my comfort zone and strike up a conversation. I struggle for words and a
conversation that flows. It’s difficult for me.
I knew this year would be filled with experiences that would
stretch and challenge me in ways that are uncomfortable and unpleasant. I knew
that the tiny little bubble that I called my comfort zone could not and would
not stand up to the many situations I would experience over the course of the
next year. I know this is just the tip of the iceberg for what is yet to come
in the next ten months, and truth be told, I am excited. Somehow, the thought
of being stretched and pushed beyond my limits excites me. I know that where my
strength and my comfort are not there, God is, and His strength and His comfort
are in endless supply. I’m not worried about the fact that I’m not good enough
or ready enough yet, because as my brother Brandon
pointed out, God isn’t interested in using the complete, but He will use us
exactly where we are at.
Just because I’m a missionary doesn’t mean that I have all
the answers. I’m still learning and growing just like everybody else. I mean I
wish I had all the answers—but it just doesn’t work that way. So although it is
hard for me to do relational ministry, I am excited to see how God will use me
anyways. I just have to be willing to let Him use me. I just have to push past
the uncomfortable feeling, and let Him do His thing.
So as we wrap up our ministry in Thailand
(about 1 week left), I would like to leave some prayer requests for myself and
for team Seven:Eleven.
-that I would be bold in starting
conversations and in sharing my faith
-that we would have the opportunity
to share with our new friends
-that our new friends would come to
know God (some of their names are Alex, Ming 1, Ming 2, Big, and San)
-that we would be sensitive to God’s
leading this last week for some different ministry opportunities
-for our friend William, a member of
the Corin tribe, who is teaching at a school in NE Thailand and is carrying
a heavy class load
I thank you so much for your prayers and your dedication to
following along on this journey. I miss you all and pray that God will bless
you. I’m always here to return the favor if you have any prayer requests. God
Bless!
