When we got to Nepal I was done. Tanzania had drained whatever strength I had thought I had left, and I felt like I couldn't handle anything anymore. I actually refused to go to ministry for a day because I didn't feel like I could possibly encourage other believers in this condition. I was feeling things I hadn't felt in years, and sadly, letting those thoughts and feelings of worthlessness overtake me. I had no idea how to get myself out of this rut enough to even function, let alone be a city on a hill. I really thought, "I just can't do this anymore."
Have you had those moments when you can feel a shift in your spirit coming, but you don't know how, or exactly when? That is how I woke up the next day. I knew God was about to break through, but I also knew I could do nothing to help it along, or change how I felt in the meantime. This used to frustrate me so much. How can you know that breakthrough is coming, yet have no control over it? Isn't that counter to everything we were ever taught about taking control of your life, or taking your thoughts captive even? Well, I have begun to realize why God gives me that awareness before He actually steps in… He is reminding me that I am purely dependent upon Him.
I know I have written 
about this before, but… wow. It isn’t until you are in a situation where you are truly powerless to change anything (especially regarding your own mind), that you realize you have not been fully dependent upon God. I just listened to a Graham Cooke sermon yesterday in which he said, “Whatever God wants you to have or be He first gives to you, so that you can give it back to Him.” Do you get that? God does not ask something of us without first giving it to us. Why? Because we have nothing on our own that we can give Him. We are not good, we are not holy, we are not loving without His goodness, holiness, and love. If He does not rain these things upon us, we cannot become them or shower them on the world. We literally have nothing to give Him. It reminds me of 1 Cor. 4:7, “For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive it? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?” We have nothing to give God that we did not receive from Him first. How can we love Him? Because He first showered His love upon us.
What does this have to do with Nepal? Breakthrough. Breakthrough happened the day after the awareness came, and God gave me the strength, and soundness of mind to throw myself into a country that would change my life. On site, Nepal doesn’t seem much different from some of the Southeast Asia countries we visited. Motorbikes are everywhere, little tuk tuk things cart people here and there, as do micro buses, and the pollution and trash are same old, same old at this point. The people are very similar to Cambodians in many ways(whom I love), so overall, it felt very normal really. The most prevailing thought I had upon arrival was how thankful I was to be out of Africa and into somewhere that felt familiar and safe.
Can I just say, once more, don’t put God in a box. I had expected a safe, comfortable, beautiful country in which I could rest and not have to put too much effort into. NOT true. Thank the Lord for sustaining me, because Nepal was one of the most stretching months for me. First of all, we discover, upon orientation with our host, that we are doing manual labor all month… yay. Secondly, he informs us that the orphanage we are actually building is 14 hours away by bus, and that we are only staying two weeks and then hiking 4 hours (yes I said 4 HOURS) into his parent’s village to build a school for four days before we get on another 14 hour bus ride ba
ck to Kathmandu. Just picture everyone around me squealing in excitement while my face gets more and more pale.
Firstly, can I just say that I am afraid of physical labor months, for a number of reasons: One, my back. Most of you have known me long enough to know that I have had back problems since I was seven, and severe ones since out of high school. Twice on the Race I had to make my team stop while carrying our packs less than a mile because I was in so much pain that I was crying.
Two, I am just severely out of shape, and every time we have to do physical labor I get out of breath so easily and have to take the most breaks. This is mostly a pride and insecurity issue, as it is more humiliating that anything, and hard for me not to imagine that everyone is just assuming that I am more lazy than the rest and don’t want to work as hard. Being someone that strives to be excellent in any task set before me, the idea that, at best, I can work as hard as I can and maybe keep up with someone, is so hard for me. Nevertheless, I tried to keep a good attitude and not stress about it too much (especially the four hour hike, which petrified me). 
God is so good. I LOVED this month, every bit of it. We only ended up having to work a few hours every day, and, not only was I able to get through it, but I was able to do more than I thought, my back only acted up occasionally, and my body felt so much better after the first couple of days. In addition to that, I have the best team EVER, who was constantly watching out for me, asking me how my back was, and even insisting on one morning of rest when it felt strained. I kind of miss it and rather wish I could go work for a couple of hours again today.
The rest of our day was spent helping out the famous Christian soccer club Church Boys United in the two tournaments they played in while we were in Urlabari. We had to wrap Bibles, do any taping and medical care, get snacks and water, and hand out tracts at halftime. This is one of the main ministries that our host is involved in. Their club is known for their handing out Bibles to the opposing players, the tracts, and having international players (there are currently two Africans on the team). They are not in the highest bracket of soccer in Nepal, yet they are famous all over the country. Interestingly enough, only about five of the players are actually Christian, but that was all the more of a ministry for us, because we lived and ate with the 17 of them every day.
Oh the boys, what to say about them? They are amazing. Dura, Dre, and Anjali were the closest to them, yet they took a special place in my heart as well. I was unable to make it to more than half the games, as I had to stay back and cook (I know right, me cooking, lol), or talk to any of them directly about Jesus, but during meals I loved sitting around and just laughing with them. I would love to come back and pour more into their lives. You can see many of them in my pictures on facebook.
So what about the hike? Well, that was an experience all in itself, and consequently, a subject for the next blog =)
(pics. Top right – The monkey temple in Kathmandu. Top left – First day at the orphanage. Middle right – Me working the second day at the orphanage. Middle left – Me, Peggy and Suzanne taking a break the third day of work. Bottom right – The boys before their first game. Bottom left – Handing out tracts at halftime.)
