“what’s worth it to you?”
this is a question the Lord asked me at the beginning of this month, sitting at a table by lake Kivu during a moment of breakdown. i had reached a place of brokenness, a place of questions, a tired place and what felt like to me a sacred place with my Father. i let myself ask some of the questions my soul had been wanting to ask for a long time… “why don’t you answer my prayers? why don’t i experience healing and walk in the supernatural? why is there a seeming disconnect from the things that Jesus said would happen and what i actually see happening? why do some people get things without asking for it, and i ask and don’t get anything? why why why?” (this might have ‘temper tantrum’ written all over it but that’s where i was). i was crying. i was defeated. and the Lord sat with me and just let me keep going, and after i finished, He spoke some things to me.
these are the things He spoke to my spirit: “when i say to you to seek and find, i mean it. but, christian, when you seek you look right and left and when you don’t see anything you go back to your business. that’s not seeking…that’s glancing. when i say ask and it will be given to you, i mean it. but when you ask, you ask once and when you don’t get it you stop asking. keep asking. be a warrior, a fighter in prayer. yes, i freely give but i also ask you what you find valuable. what’s worth it to you? what is worth your time and effort? am i worth it? are these desires worth it? then don’t give up…fight for them. you want my presence….come get it. you want more….keep asking. it’s not about works, and it’s not about striving…it’s about passion and it’s about priority. if you ask once and don’t get it and stop asking then it must not be worth it. i know your heart…..don’t give up. you don’t have to know all my reasonings, you just have to know my character. do you believe i’m a good Father who gives good gifts? yes. ok so believe that and persevere. do you believe that i want to lavish my presence on my children? yes. ok so seek it.”
so i looked up where Jesus talks about asking and seeking and this is what i found:
“suppose one of you has a friend, and goes to him at midnight and says to him, ‘friend, lend me three loaves; for a friend of mine has come to me from a journey, and i have nothing to set before him’; and from inside he answers and says, ‘do not bother me; the door has already been shut and my children and i are in bed; i cannot get up and give you anything.’ i tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will get up and give him as much as he needs. so i say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. for everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it will be opened.” luke 11.5-10
this man was consistent in his ask. i want to be consistent in my ask.
i’ve been processing a lot of these things over the last month…especially that question: what’s worth it to you?
what is worth it to me? worth the effort and the fight. through this process, the Lord has continued to speak some revelatory things to me. and He showed me one day that my life, while of course having moments of difficulty and pain and struggle, has been relatively free of fight. and while that in some ways has been a gift and a blessing, it has also robbed me of a deep lesson of perseverance. the Lord told me it’s time that i learn how to fight, that He teach me how be a warrior.
there’s a song by ben harper with a line that says, “i must kneel to fight.” i love that. it seems contradictory and ineffective. what makes more sense is to stand tall and strong and fierce, ready for battle. but the Lord doesn’t always make sense. He told gideon to send home about a zillion soldiers so He could show off (i took some liberty with the numbers here, but i think i was close). so sometimes He tells us to get on our knees, to sit down with Him and fight for what is worth it to us.
i just want to pose the question to you: what is worth it to you? because i think there are desires and dreams and hopes that we have given up on because we got tired or lazy. but there is a God who is worth it, there are people who are worth it, there are truths that are worth it, there is freedom and eternity that is worth it. it’s time for us to kneel to fight.
