Jesus encounters us every way that we could possibly need
Him to if we let Him. There isn’t
a single place that you can look for love in your life where He can’t show you
even greater love. If you are
pursuing love from deep friendships, He can show you a deeper camaraderie than
you ever even imagined. If you are
pursuing love in a marriage, He can show you a greater intimacy than you even
knew was possible. If you are
pursuing love from your superiors at work, His “Job well done” will blow any
boss’s words out of the water.
Jesus is just a lover. Every single way that I turn, His
love is what I’m looking for. No
matter what I THINK I’m longing for, it is always His love in one way or
another.
Lately, for some reason, I have been thinking about the love
of Jesus a lot. He has been really
good to me in that He has shown me His love in so many different different ways
lately. He has been the intimate
lover that I long for. He has been
the close friend that I can speak to and vent to. He has been the brother that I desperately wish I could be
with. He has been the protector
that I find safety in. He really
has been just showering love on me in so many different ways.
Out of all of the ways that Jesus loves though, I think that
my favorite one is the way that He loves me as a father.
Maybe it’s because I have had an absolutely amazing father
my whole life or maybe it’s because Jesus has been showing me how much bigger
His father’s heart is than even my own amazing earthly father’s, but either
way, having a true father is one of the greatest gifts that I think I have ever
had in my life.
Haha I just realized that there’s no way I’m going to get
through this without some tears. I
MIGHT have just teared up as I typed that last line…
As I have gone
through these first 5 months on the World Race, the thing that has broken my
heart more than anything is when I see children who lack true fathers. It absolutely breaks my heart to see children
who have to go through life never knowing that their dad’s love them or are
proud of them.
I have had an incredible father my entire life. Even in the very moments that my father
was punishing me for messing up, I never once had to doubt whether my father
was proud of the boy or man that I was.
I haven’t EVER wondered whether my father loved me. NEVER. How mind-blowing is that? My father has pursued Jesus to the point that He has actually
been able to love me in a truly absurd way.
As I have traveled around the world, my heart is broken over
and over and over and over and over and over and over again when I see ORPHANS
who have no idea what it’s like to have any father at all. It breaks when I see kids growing up
with fathers who have no idea how to communicate love and grace to their
children. It breaks when I see children
whose fathers truly do not love them.
Yesterday, Rachel and I were resting for a day in Dar es
Salaam on our way to visit another team up in Mwanza. We found a place near the beach where we could just sit,
relax, worship, and think for the day.
When we sat down in our lounge chairs, we noticed that there was a kid
sitting about 15 feet away from us in another chair. He was alone and kind of kept looking over at us as if to
say “hey, I don’t know how to start a convo with you guys without being awkward
but I am definitely down to chat…”
We talked to him a lot throughout the day. His name was Alex and he told us all
about his life. He was 17 and had
definitely had a pretty crazy life.
His parents worked for the English Foreign Commission and he had
traveled a lot in his life.
I don’t want to blab all about his story but I just want to
say that, through talking to him, I was able to see some huge father woundings.
This 17 year old kid was telling us all about everything that he had succeeded
at and everything that he had accomplished in his life and was just BEGGING for
some affirmation.
As we sat there and talked to this kid who was honestly a
really cool dude, I was able to so clearly see the woundings that he had from
not having a father who had communicated that he was PROUD of him. This awesome kid was just dying to hear
somebody say that they were proud of him.
His parents had gotten divorced a few years earlier and an
exact quote from him was “yeah my parents split a few years ago and really I’m
pretty sure it was my fault because…”
My heart was absolutely breaking for this kid
yesterday. At one point when Alex
went out to go for a swim, I was trying to tell Rachel what was going on in my
heart and I started tearing up.
There is something that the Lord has placed in my heart that
absolutely breaks me when I see kids who don’t get to know the love of a father
and when I see kids who haven’t gotten to live and grow up under parents that
have demonstrated true love. I
hate it hate it hate it so much.
Jesus showed me something yesterday though as my heart was
breaking for this kid. He showed
me a place that I have doubted His sufficiency and where I have doubted the
UNENDING power of His love.
Yes, my heart absolutely breaks for kids who don’t get the
love of a father that I got to experience growing up. Jesus gave me the gift of a father so that my heart WOULD
break for those kids. The reality
though is that I had doubt in my heart about the ability of God to
restore. I didn’t truly believe
that Jesus could fill that hole that was left in Alex’s life from having a
father who didn’t know how to love.
My heart broke because I didn’t believe that there was any hope for Alex
to ever truly experience the love that I have experienced from my father.
Jesus called me out HARD on this though last night. Jesus showed me that He has so much
more to show even ME about His “father’s love”. He has given me a heart that breaks when I see people
operating without His love so that I can direct them to Jesus (the greatest
father ever)’s love. He has
given me a broken heart so that He can USE me to show His “father’s love” to
people all over the world.
Jesus never wants the story to end with “and Christian’s
heart was broken for this kid”. He
wants the story to end with “Christian’s heart broke for this kid so He invited
JESUS into it and JESUS RESTORED the kid’s heart.”
There is a level of faith that I want to step into that says
that even a child who has grown up in the most broken home possible can live in
the same amount of security through the love of Jesus that I get to live in
from having the greatest parents ever.
I’m done with the story ending with “and Christian’s heart broke…” When my heart breaks, I want my first
response to be that I SEE it as an opportunity for Jesus’ love to conquer and I
want to have the faith to invite Him into the situation.
Jesus is a lover and He truly will encounter us in every way
that we ever desire to be encountered.
His love is literally all that we are ever searching for. I want to believe that His love is
truly the answer to every bit of hurt and brokenness that I see as I go through
this world.
I love that He is a lover and I love that, the moment I step
into His love, He is ready to use me to communicate it to others.
Speaking of love…I’m SO FLIPPING CRAZY INSANE IN LOVE WITH
LEAH FOSTER!! If you’re in Tulsa
and you see her around, give her a HUGE hug and tell her it’s from me and that
I said that I love her. She’s the
most amazing person I’ve ever met and her heart is beautiful. I miss her like crazy.
Also, today is my mommy’s birthday! I know I’ve talked a lot about my dad
but my mom would blow your mind as well.
It is insane that I actually DESIRE to tell my mom everything that is
going on in my life. She has been
such a safe place for me over the years and has absolutely showed me a part of
God’s heart that provides security, grace, and love. I love that woman with everything that’s in me. If you’re around her today, HONOR her
any way you can. She deserves way
more honor than anyone could ever give her. She’s amazing.
Love you mom.
