For as long as I can remember Africa has been in my heart
and I knew that longing would not go away until I stepped on African soil. I
have seen so many images and heard so many stories and didn’t quite know what
to expect, but figured it was better that way. Just getting off the plane and
taking in my surroundings and waking up the first morning in Kijabe was like a
dream had come true. It felt right, it felt like this was the time and the way
God had chosen to fulfill this dream of mine. But my time here so far has not
broken me or changed me the way I thought it would. As it turns out, I did have
certain expectations without realizing it and they were not what I was seeing
or experiencing here. I expected to feed the hungry, to care for the orphans
and widows, to experience the pain of HIV/AIDS in people we met. I’m not saying
that God hasn’t been moving or teaching me anything, it just hasn’t been how I thought it should/would. Most of our time in Africa, especially here in Uganda, has been
preaching and teaching, which is not exactly my forte. I can get up and preach
in front of a church full of people if I need to or am called to and I’m
definitely not denying its importance in the kingdom, I just know it’s not part
of my gifting. It doesn’t give me warm fuzzy feelings when I do it like
compassion or mercy type ministries. And it’s strange for me, a 23 year-old
from America, to stand up in front of a church full of pastors and elders in a
conference and deliver a message to them; shouldn’t it be the other way around?
What could I possibly have to say to them? Fortunately, God does that part.
Because when I’m told after speaking by a pastor that I have blessed him with
my message and that he needed to hear what I said, I know it definitely wasn’t
anything I came up with. So I’m learning that these couple of months, maybe
more, are about obedience: about doing something I might not feel like because
God has called us here to this place for such a time as this and He doesn’t
make mistakes. I’m learning that it’s ok to not be ok sometimes and let God
work in those times as well. For those of you who know me though, I’m quite
stubborn. So pray that God will soften my heart, give me patience, show me how
to depend more on Him.
Much
love.
