I spent the last two weeks cold, sweaty, scared, loved, laughing, overwhelmed, tearful, anxious, frustrated, joyful, and confused. In Gainesville, Georgia. In a tent. At something The World Race calls Training Camp. At something I like to call Boot Camp. It was tough and lovely and stretching and fun and Jesus.
So really, everything.
One of the speakers talked about The World Race and what it might be for each of us. It’s so completely different for every single person. The speaker so succinctly summed it up when he said, “Let’s just call it, ‘a pretty significant disruption.’” I love this. It reminded me of how Jesus works. He rarely comes around predictably or practically. I don’t know about in your life, but in mine, Jesus often shows up in the scary, anxious, and surprising moments. He overwhelms my soul and washes me over. Changed. He’s ‘a pretty significant disruption,’ pretty regularly.
I wish I could weave together beautifully all that I learned at Training Camp, but I’m either too ADD or too moldable to all of Jesus (or my own) whims. Either way, I’m cool with it. So instead let me list five of the ways that He ‘pretty significantly disrupted’ my life the past two weeks in Gainesville, Georgia.
1. He knows the parts of our hearts we never say aloud. There’s something so powerful in speaking words, thoughts, and feelings out, but sometimes you just don’t. And all the time, God hears. When it came time for teams to be made, I had a lot of thoughts. And the leaders had a lot of questions. So I shared. A lot of words. And I felt honored by both Jesus and leaders as decisions were made and teams whittled down. But what was amazing was how God heard parts of me that I didn’t even have words for. There are two sweet girls on my team who embody the wholeness and purity of Jesus’ love. I don’t know what it is about them, but I just feel it. I know that knowing them and loving them and seeing Jesus purity of heart in them is going to help me find peace with parts of my younger self. In particular, the parts that were too scared to be vulnerable and pure and full of love. I was so terrified back then. And up until these beauties were placed on my team, I never, ever, gave voice to those parts of me. But Jesus heard.
2. Jesus made peanut butter for people who eat lots of rice and beans and camp outside so they could eat and feel like they’ve gone to heaven. Just for a bit. Seriously. I don’t even really love peanut butter. But after you’ve eaten the same thing for multiple meals in a row, been soaked to the bone with either rain or sweat and are exhausted. THIS. IS. HEAVEN.
3. I thought I needed self-care but what I really needed was boundaries. A little lie I’ve been telling myself recently is that if I spend too much time with people, I need time alone so I can regroup and be a better me later. Now, there are parts of this that are truth. Like that everyone does need time alone sometimes. And also, when I take time to process, I become more intentional and thus a better human being. The lie part, however, is that I HAVE to have this alone time to be a better person in community. Training Camp is relatively an introvert’s worst nightmare. People are around. All the time. And people are talking. All the time. Any time I sat down to process what was going on in my soul, I could feel my brain spinning like a fan that won’t just stop when you flip the switch. I needed time to settle. To breathe. To focus in and find intentionality. However, I didn’t need to be away from people. I just needed to be quiet, verbalize my needs, and allow them to see me, to find me, in that space. I ended up feeling more loved, more centered, and more whole when I allowed my new friends to see the non-talking, non-entertaining, non-funny, all of me.
4. The intimacy of 24/7 community pulls you in. The first few days of being with 53 people every waking hour was crazy overwhelming. My brain felt like it was on overload. The leaders talked about the influence living in community had on them and went on to explain that they were married with kids and still living 6 people to a house. I think I stopped breathing when they said that. What about alone time reading your bible and looking out the window? What about quiet dinners and singing and dancing to yourself in the morning? Soon after someone talked, I took a breath, and was distracted from my disbelief. However, 9 days later, I would find myself overjoyed to have “found” my squad mates at the airport. I MISSED THEM. And even more, I wanted more of them. The thing is, when you start living close to people. Really, really, close. It’s scary for a couple of seconds. But then you just lean in. You fall in. And it gets really, really cool. Filled with singing showers together (in separate stalls), laughter and naps happening simultaneously, embarrassing community sleeping conversations, and exuberant screeches of love when you find each other in giant airports.
5. I need dance parties everyday. No, really. I prayed about it. It’s real. Almost every day at Training Camp, some sort of dance off, dance marathon, dance party was initiated. At first I loved it. But then I fell head over heals in love with it. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t really WANT to dance every day. And I LOVE to dance. Some days I was tired. Maybe a little grumpy. Or maybe my butt was just stinking sore for the 89th time from walking/running giant Georgia hills. But those were the days when I felt it the most. I needed the dance party deep down in my soul. So some guy sang seriously impressive high pitched versions of Taylor Swift and I seriously shook it off. Taylor Swift, some worship leader, and Jesus lifted my soul. So I’ve made a vow, blogging world, every day. It’s happening. Hold me to it.
Next up, South Africa. 26 days.
Whew.
Here we go.
Let’s all be brave.
