The look in his eyes

Finding blood is hard because so many people have AIDS. We ask if we could donate blood, but were told a story of another racer who tried donating blood who was attacked demonically.

This little boy was dying right in front  of my eyes. I have never seen so much pain in a child's eyes. This litte boy should have been running and jumping around like every other 5 year old I know.
                                                                                                                             
I had been praying that God would give me His heart.  That I would feel what He feels. The joy and the pain instead of avoiding it.

God answered this prayer with Antonio.

My heart is burning for him and I can't do anything.

I have been just living these past two weeks here without thinking of what I was seeing emotionally. God changed all of that right before we are about to leave.

When I left the hospital, I saw everything around me in a different way. I have so many questions
.
Why is this little boy dying? Why is there no care for these kids in the hospital? Why are toddlers carrying around babies on their backs?

Why have so many parents died of AIDS leaving their children alone or in the care of others? Why are people living in mud shacks when I grew up in Naperville. Why are there witch doctors here trying to torment the area spiritually?  Why can't people read their own language?   Why did I see a dead man being carried down the street in a wheel barrel last week?

I have hundreds of questions I have been numb to asking God. Today is the day to start that.

I know that I may not ever get answers to these questions, but God encouraged me last night with song lyrics. He told me that "His love never fails. It never gives up. It never gives up on me. In death, in life, I'm confident and covered by the power of Your great love ".

God is not giving up on me as I ask Him these questions and as I am feeling this pain. But more importantly, He is not giving up on Antonio. He is not giving up on the people of Mozambique. He is here.  In death and in life, I will be confident and covered by the power of God's great love.