Every person has a story.
Each life is different.
Every person has challenges and struggles.
Each life is a unique picture of God’s pursuit and redemption.
The journey I have been on for the past eight months has taught me, among so many other things, that life is messy. We all know that no one is perfect but somehow we believe that the things we struggle with are worse or more embarrassing than the person beside us and if we share our faults we will be met with narrowed eyes and disapproval. We are ashamed of our condition and ashamed that we have weaknesses. We want everyone around us to believe we have it all together and we strive to give the image of perfection.
What is it that holds us back from being real and honest with each other?
Is it the fear that we will no longer be accepted or understood?
Is it our pride?
No one likes to admit their weakness but it is in those weaknesses that God is able to show His strength.
Looking back at my life so far, I see a whole lot of weakness.
I see a girl being blown and tossed around by the opinions of others.
When I was little, I wanted to be like my big sister and she could get me to do just about anything. She hates this story but she used to be able to get me to hold my arms up to see how long I could last while she tickled me… for no reason at all! When I got a little older, my friends became the motive behind my actions. I had morals and values but I pushed some of those aside because
I wanted to be liked.
I would begin relationships with guys that I didn’t want just because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. I would do things with them that I knew were wrong because I feared rejection. Sometimes, I tried to make my relationship with God appear less radical out of fear that the person I was dating would be turned off by it. I eventually was unfaithful in a serious relationship because I put unrealistic expectations on a person – on a person whose love was never supposed to take the place of the love God offers.
I hate admitting how weak I have been and honestly still am. I want to be strong in my convictions and I want God’s voice to be the only one I hear. I want to be unwavering in my faith and to be satisfied in God’s love regardless of the storm of opinions around me.
Yea it sucks admitting that I cared as much as I did about what other people thought of me. However, through my past I am able to realize that God’s love is the only love that will ever truly satisfy. It is the only thing that brings joy that is complete and overwhelming. People will let me down just as I have let so many down.
I am done holding on to the image of perfection because it isn’t genuine.
If we choose to tell people our real stories without excluding the parts we are most ashamed of, freedom will come. It might get hard before it gets better but it’s worth having open and real relationships that allow vulnerability, forgiveness and growth.
Being honest and knowingly diving in to vulnerability and difficult conversations is unnatural because we generally always gravitate towards self preservation.
For example:
I have this really odd habit of pulling out my arm hairs. I know it’s weird… but true. So I’m driving along in my neighborhood and I see one that I know will just come right out. So I reach over to get it and as I do, the wheel turns just a little bit… and BAM! Side mirror meets mail box.
I have a tendency to be slightly irresponsible. Because I don’t want anybody to think I’m irresponsible… especially my father… and getting in an accident because you were pulling out an arm hair doesn’t exactly scream responsibility, I told my parents a squirrel ran out in front of me. I would much rather my dad think I crashed the car because I have such high amounts of compassion rather than because I have such high amounts of spaciness.
If I had only told the truth, I wouldn’t be sitting in Cambodia having confession through this blog.
Self preservation at its finest.
Being wholly honest with each other opens the door for relationships that are able to break beyond surface level.
If we keep our issues hidden, we might be giving them the ability to keep our relationships from going deeper. Yea it might be easier to share only the good parts of our lives with the people God has blessed us with but not everything is good and no one is perfect.
I’d rather be real.
No matter how badly we have messed up, we can know that God is making us new and that He is making something beautiful out of what we have seemingly done everything we could to destroy.
In God’s eyes, all sin is the same. Sin is the avenue Satan uses to separate us from God and it always looks different. Because we are all created uniquely, we naturally struggle with different things but this doesn’t make us better or worse than the person beside us. Instead of casting judgment on each other for the things we struggle with, we should be looking at each other through God’s eyes and seeing sin for what it really is.
We can’t let the sin we see define the people we know and we can’t let shame or fear keep us from being real with each other. It is through our stories of redemption that God is glorified and His love is clearly defined.
